Drowning

Chapter Thirteen

I shoved my hands into my pockets as Finn pulled into the parking lot. I opened the door. “Where’s your friend?” He asked as I buckled myself in.

                “He had some work to do. Did you see your friend?” I looked over at him as he pulled out of the parking lot.

                “He had something to do and anyway, I want to talk to you.” He looked at me through the corner of his eyes.

“You want to go out for something to eat? Or we can just bring something back to mine.” I looked out through the window of the truck.

“How about we go back to mine? I want to show you something.” He nodded.

“Sure.” The rest of the car ride was silent as we drove back to base. I didn’t want to say anything and I don’t think that Finn knew what to say. It was awkward. The first time it’s been awkward between us. I didn’t like it. He pulled up to the house looking at its darkness.  “Where’s your Mom?” He asked as I unbuckled myself.

“If she knows she could get in trouble she runs off. She’ll be gone for a little longer.” He turned off the car as I unlocked the front door.

“She always did this?” He asked shutting the door behind him as I turned on the lights.

“Yeah it’s a normal thing. I used to use the time to calm myself down when I was younger.” I opened the fridge and pulled out two water bottles. “Chinese good?” He nodded watching me as I put the bottles on the counter and pulled the menu out from a drawer. I picked up the phone.

“You alright?” He asked me as I dialed and waited. I nodded.

“Yeah,” I looked down at the menu as the lady on the other end started to talk. I gave our order before hanging up. I put the water on the table before sitting down. “Where do you want to start?” Finn sat across from me.

“Where ever you want to.” I fiddled with the label on my water bottle.

“I guess it all started when my mom got married again when I was 10. This was number three at the time. We were in Texas when everything started. I don’t even remember how it started just that it was happening. My mom always wants the upper-hand; she’ll do anything to get it. Anything.” I shook my head. Finn was looking at me.

“Stuff started to happen and I couldn’t take it. I don’t remember how it happened. It’s a blurry mess.” I chuckled to myself. “I ended up with a guy that didn’t care how old I was. He gave me whatever I wanted.” I closed my eyes.

“What did he give you, Ana?” I opened my eyes to look at him as the tears started to form in my eyes.

“Ecstasy.” I pulled off a piece of the label on my bottle. “I didn’t know better. My mom didn’t teach me squat. So I just went with it. Then when I took it, it made everything go away. I felt normal. I don’t remember when I went from X to heroin. I just did. I would do anything to make what my mom made me do to go away. I was a stupid child.” I ripped the paper in my hands. “It was crazy. This was something grown adults do, I was a kid and I was messed up in drugs.” I looked over at Finn as he sat just staring at me. “I went around for year and a half just going through the motions of life but then things went bad. I needed more and the guy realized what he did.” I shook my head. “That’s when I met him. I was a fucked up 12 year old and he was the bad ass that controlled everything.  There is one rule that Zander follows, don’t give drugs to a kid. He punished the guy that gave me them and took me.”

“That’s how you met him?” Finn asked quietly. I nodded.

“I was high out of my mind. I needed things to change. I was so scared. There were all these men around me talking to each other, but I had no idea what they were saying. Z had a reputation of tying up loose ends. He should have just killed me. He was going to. To this day I have no idea what changed his mind. I was detoxing. I wasn’t strong enough to go through it alone. Z took me over his shoulder and took me to his house. Nothing is scarier than a man you have no idea holding you as a doctor shoves you with needles.” I laughed wiping a tear off my cheek. “He helped me through it all. Through everything he stayed in that little room with me as I was wrapped in a blanket shaking. He didn’t leave; no one has ever been there for me as much as he was in that first week. He just rocked me as I cried.” I ran a hand through my hair.