SHALLOW GRAVE ━━ leo valdez

vi. god of boring

“No clearance,” Cal grunted, causing Leo to scoff, “‘Scuse me?”

“You have no flight plan on file,” Zethes elaborated for his brother. Kit smothered a snicker at his over-exaggerated French accent. He doubted that Zethes had spent a day of his life in France. “This is restricted airspace.”

“Destroy them?” Cal questioned, head tilted like a curious puppy.

Jason didn’t think before summoning his sword, the golden glint prompting Festus to shudder again and hiss steam from his mouth. Leo chuckled anxiously, “Now hold on. Let’s have some manners here, boys. Can I at least find out who has the honour of destroying me?”

“I am Cal,” the brawny brother grunted. The other rolled his eyes at him, “That’s short for Calais,” he explained. “Sadly, my brother cannot say words with more than two syllables--”

“Pizza, hockey, destroy,” Cal listed with a proud grin. 

“--which includes his own name.”

“I am Cal,” the boy repeated much to Kit’s growing impatience. “And this is Zethes, my brother.”

“Wow,” Leo gasped. Kit couldn’t tell if he was genuinely amazed by what Cal had just said or simply mocking him. “That’s almost three sentences, man. Way to go.”

Definitely mocking.

Nevertheless, Cal grunted again, obviously pleased with any form of praise. Zethes shook his head at him, face flushed with second-hand embarrassment. “Stupid buffoon. They’re making fun of you. But no matter. I am Zethes, which is short for Zethes, and the lady there--” He winked animatedly at Piper, causing the girl’s face to scrunch up in poorly disguised disgust. “Well, she can call me anything she likes. Perhaps she would like to have dinner with a famous demigod before we must destroy you?”

“That’s a… truly horrifying offer.”

This time, Kit was unable to hide his laughter. “Jesus, Piper. At least try and sound genuine.”

Fortunately, Zethes paid him no attention, just winking at the only girl again. “It is no problem. We are very romantic people, we Boreads.”

“Boreads?” Jason repeated with a sense of relief, his sword slowly lowering. “Do you mean, like, the sons of Boreas?”

“Ah, so you’ve heard of us,” Zethes beamed.

“More like we’ve heard of your father,” Kit mumbled.

Again, it was fortunate for them that Zethes was far too up his own ass to hear him. “We are our father’s personal gatekeepers. So you understand, we cannot have unauthorized people flying in his airspace on creaky dragons, scaring the silly mortal peoples.”

Kit spared a glance at the scenery below. In the rising dawn, the few people out for a stroll were beginning to notice the strange figure hovering in the air above. Kit hoped and prayed they saw nothing more than a helicopter struggling with directions. The Mist could only hold out for so long before mere mortal brains caught onto something being wrong.

“Which is sadly why, unless this is an emergency landing, we will have to destroy you painfully.”

“Wait,” Piper exclaimed. “This is an emergency landing!”