Our journey

Tell me what's going on

Jack's POV

I walk around my office, tears begin to slip on my face impetuously, my sight starts to get blurry because of my watery eyes and I can hardly distinguish the various things that are in my office, I try to sifle my tears as much as possible but it doesn't work and tears keep streaming down my cheeks, I feel like drowning.
I'm not able to calm myself down and I start to get nervous, I throw on the floor some of the things that were on my desk and while doing that I risked to make the computer fall. I can barely control my emotions but then I remember a thing, I sit on the floor at a few inches from the wall then I lean my back on it, I take a napkin and try to dry my tears as much as possible so that my view is less blurry, that doesn't really work since tears keep streaming impetuously down my cheeks.
I take my phone out of my pocket, my hand is trembling and this is really annoying anyway I manage to insert the password after getting it wrong two times, I look at the picture of me, Gibbs and Lucy that I set as homescreen background, somehow it calms me down.
I just wish that my hubby was here next to me...wait, what?! Why I called him in that way? Well...at least I didn't say that out loud anyway...I'd seriously give anything to have him here right now...he would make me feel better just by looking at me.
After about ten minutes I feel much better, I put in place the things I had thrown on the floor and then grab my stuff so that I can go back at home.

As I walk through the doorway Nick comes to me, I turn around to close the door of my office and roll my eyes, what does he want from me? Didn't he already ask enough questions? I look again at him "Hey Jack, do you want to come with us for drinks?" he asks "I'm sorry but I have other plans for the rest of the evening" I answer and that's true, it's not an excuse, I wanted to look at some things for baby Gibbs, mostly for the room and yeah, I know that it's early for that but it's better if we start to look at those things now "C'mon Jack, come with us" he says, why he keeps insisting? If I said that I can't it's useless to keep insisting "Yeah, ok" I say, why I ended up accepting? Just why? Am I dumb or what? I can't even drink and I don't want to receive tons of questions also for that...right now I just want to hug my hubby...how did I just call him? Like seriously did I just call him my hubby again? Luckily for me I didn't say it out loud otherwise I would've been dead, I mean one thing is if I say it in my mind, another if I say it out loud in front of Nick.

*One hour later*

We're at the bar, McGee, Ellie and Nick are talking about something but I'm not paying that much attention to what they are saying and honestly I don't care. I'm staring at my glass that's still full, lost in my thoughts, I'm thinking about many things and every day it's always the same things that take me away from reality. I can't wait to finally hold baby Gibbs and I think a lot about it, trying to imagine how it'll be, it won't be the first time but still I know that it'll be special...a tear start sliding down my face but I immediately wipe it away...anyway it's still a long journey 'till that moment and I'll try to enjoy every single thing of this although the morning sickness is something that I can't enjoy, I don't like it and it's annoying but still, it's part of this wonderful journey and at a certain point it should end, it could least for longer but I hope that that's not my case so it's not that big of a deal.

I don't know why but I end up thinking about Jethro, I'm seriously so lucky to have him by my side during all this, he always takes such a good care of me and I appreciate that so much, he even has to bear my mood swings and that's kinda difficult but in a way or another he always manages to make me feel better, he's really an amazing hubby...no, but seriously what's wrong with me today? I keep calling him my hubby and it's kinda weird since well...he isn't my hubby but just my boyfriend, my everything, the love of my life and yeah, I should definitely stop.
I look at my phone what?! How?! I lost ten calls from Jethro, most likely he'll be worried, usually I always answer his calls and if I don't answer the first one, even if it usually doesn't happen, I answer the second one. I have no reason to stay here more since I'm minding my own business while ignoring the others so I stand up and look at them "I'm sorry guys but now I really have to go" I say and go out, I don't even wait for them to say something, right now I just want to go at home and do what I planned to do even though it's pretty late...well, for me it's pretty late.