Feel my love...

CHAPTER 33

Alright here is an update everyone. Its again in Liam's POV, btw. Thought it needed to be in his POV.

And how is everyone doing?? Alright?
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I open my eyes and stare at the dark ceiling above me forlornly. Should have known, should have seen it coming. But I didn't. I don't know what call these, night mares or just memories.

Yeah, it's wonderful that I have my memories as dreams. But at the same time, it reminds me of what I lost. I'm still struggling to come in terms of it, struggling to get it in and pretend like I'm fine.

Because I know, seeing me under the rain at the tomb shook everyone. Harry had called me and scolded me for returning back to my home so soon, but I just needed to do it. I don't know how to explain the urge to him. And right now, I'm in my room with Zayn.

Speaking of which.

I look at him sideways, to find out that he is awake and watching me with sad eyes. I kept the dreams from all of them for a reason, but Zayn has sniffed it I can say.

"You okay?" he asks softly, his thumb brushing against my cheek when he cups it. I nod silently and snuggle into his arms for comfort.

"Just miss her too much" I confess and he sighs. He kisses my forehead and pulls his jumper over both of us. I feel his warm skin against my skin, beneath my palms and it's just what I needed.

"I'm sorry" I whisper into the dark, keeping my eyes fixed on his neck. "I gave you a scare"

"It's okay. Don't apologize for that, babe" I hear him sigh "You were just mourning for her, yeah?"

"I mean, yeah" I nod softly and look up at him. I can't make out much details, but I could see his eyes. "I'm sorry though. Should have informed you guys before I left"

"We wouldn't have let you leave the house"

"Yeah" I nod and he shrugs one shoulder.

"We didn't mean to house arrest you, Liam" he says "We were just worried"

"I know" I nod, rubbing my hands along his skin. "I love you, Zayn. And I don't know if would have held on if not for you. It feels like you are the reason that I'm holding on"

"Hey, stop it" he shakes his head, pulling back to look down at me "I love you too, but you are strong, Liam. You are going to be okay"

I nod again and lean up to kiss him. And he welcomes the distraction with open arms.

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I find my mum's dairy in her closet. I didn't know she had one until my dad told me about it. And a part of me wants to pretend I never found it. But another part of me wants to see what's in there. What were her dreams before it happened?

But I know. Reading it would kill me for sure. I just know there is pain along the way if I decide to read it. So I do what I could think off. I go to Zayn with the dairy. I have been to his house just once after I got my eyesight back. And he wasn't lying when he said he has a frame of me in his bedroom.

The house is silent and empty when I finally make it there. Louis must be with Harry and Louis' family is out. Zayn's the only one home.

"Hey" he looks up at me from his sketch book. He sets it aside and opens his arms for me. I don't hesitate to fall into them gratefully. "What's wrong, Jaan?"

"I found this" I reveal the dairy "But I'm scared to read it because I know it's going to be painful. My dad left it to me to read it or just keep it. I don't know what to do"