Until Skies Taste the Sun (Lost Series #1)

Kabanata 42

I bowed my head. "Okay..."

Nanlulumo ako pagbalik ko sa hotel. Hindi na ako kumain ng kahit ano at tumuloy na lang sa higaan. I couldn't even find excitement to drink milk before I sleep. But I still drink too for my baby.

I got my phone and stared at Lucas' smiling picture in my photos. I swiped and swiped reminiscing our travel pictures around Europe. The Acropolis in Greece... Sagrada Familia in Spain... In France when he danced me in the distance of Eiffel Tower... When he spontaneously proposed a diamond ring he's hiding in England, under Big Ben because he said he would not want to repeatedly waste time and chances anymore. Something he failed and regretted when he knows his heart is long beating for me.

I then started to feel my eyes getting damp. Miss ko na siya... Miss ko na si Lucas. Pero ayaw ko pa 'ring umalis...

I still want to make it up to Third and silently clear my vulnerability for him—cause I feel we have so much left. Because I'm still hurting for the things that happened before.. and now for what is only important to matter between us. 

Deep down, I know I will always choose what I have now for another chance of choosing. I'm just deeply affected by Third and his true feelings about it. The conscience is killing me... It's another reason for being not in peace.

I tried to call Lucas. I'm not expecting him to answer katulad ng laging ginagawa niya pagkatapos noong last talk. I don't know but I'm really relieved when he truly didn't answer. I'm not sure but possibly because I'm still not yet ready to face him. I don't know how I'll honestly explain everything to him when I know it would hurt him.

To: Caro

I know you're mad and Im sorry I couldnt listen to you. Im sorry I couldnt go home to you early. Im sorry if Im still bothered to stay here. Im sorry for asking you to be always understanding. Im sorry if you think Im not prioritizing you. Im sorry Im still here. Im sorry I'll stay a bit here.

I cleaned my cheeks with a new set of fallen tears.

To: Caro

I love you. Please know.

I'll move now. Let's not waste time here. If I'll eventually lose Third, I can't stand losing Lucas much more.

I hope she didn't change her email. 

I hope I could reach this to her.

From: avianneheartzinbergh@gmail.com

To: yelenemucililianne@ny.avia.com

Subject: A letter from your ardent

Hi, Mama... I don't know if you still remember me, but.. can you ever forget the girl who inflicted pain on your heart? The girl that once again triggered your insecurity in motherhood? If only I could turn back time... If only I could have been more patient. If only I could have given you the trust in the first place... Mama.. I am deeply sorry for the harsh words I threw you before.. I could never turn them back... so I wanna let these all out before I run on that.