I Need You

I Love You

I laid in bed thinking, thinking about my life. I had just gotten a boyfriend that day but I still didn't feel complete. I know having a boy shouldn't make me complete but I had basically everything I wanted. Well at least everything that wasn't impossible. I knew that I would never meet one direction. "Hey babe", my phone lit up with the text from Finn, my boyfriend. "Hey", I texted back. "What's up", he texted. "The sky", I told him.

We talked for a while until I asked him the question I had been pondering ever since he asked me out. "Why did you ask me out?", I texted. He didn't text back right away and I got nervous. After about five minutes he texted, "Sorry my mom called me". "It's ok", I wrote. "I asked you out because you are perfect", he texted with a kissy face emoji. I didn't really know what to say so I just said "oh". We texted on into the night and I fell asleep.

Weeks went by and I was his girl he was my man. Everything was perfect between us. He was my first boyfriend and I wasn't sure if it was good or bad that we hadn't kissed yet. I got a little worried. Soon the worry ate me up. I kept thinking about it in my room and I started hyperventilating. Tears formed in my eyes and thoughts raced through my head I kept hyperventilating and crying. What ifs popped into my head and it was too late to stop it.

"What if he doesn't love me", I thought. "What if he's cheating and what if I'm not pretty enough". My phone vibrated and I looked down it was Finn. "I love you", the text said. Before I knew it my hands were typing the words "no you don't". I pushed send and cried more. I didn't actually want that to happen but it did and I hated myself for it. "Is this an anxiety attack?", Finn texted. I looked at my phone and cried. I wanted to text yes but I couldn't move it was like I was trapped in my own body.

Finns pov:

I hadn't heard from Isabelle in a while so I decided to text, "I love you" in case she was feeling sad or she had anxiety like she does often. "No you don't", she texted back. My heart dropped and I knew she was feeling insecure again. "Is this anxiety?", I asked her. There was no reply and I got worried. Belle only lived a few blocks down the road from me so I got my jacket and ran out of the house.

I knew her parents weren't home because she always found the strength to control her attacks. She was so strong and that's why I love her. When I got to the house I knocked on the door only to receive silence. I opened the door and walked to her room. She wasn't in there and I got worried. I heard something fall in the bathroom down the hall. I ran over to the door and tried the doorknob. It was locked so I pounded on the door yelling, "Izzy let me in". There was no answer and my heart pounded. I put my ear to the door and heard sobbing.

"Belle please let me in", I yelled. I searched the door for a key and found it. I went into the bathroom and found Isabelle sitting on the floor. I looked at her and saw her wrists. The were covered in blood and I got worried. I ran over to her and felt her wrist. They were only cut across her wrist and not down following her veins. They didn't look that deep so I wasn't worried. I sat down and wrapped my arms around her. She buried her face in my chest and cried. We sat on the bathroom floor for a while and didn't move. When her crying died down I got up and cleaned off her wounds. We cleaned up the mess in the bathroom and went to her room. We sat there for about ten minutes, me rubbing my thumb on her hand and her resting her head on my shoulder until she finally talked.

"I'm sorry", she cried. "For what?", I asked. "For cutting", she started,"For being a bad girlfriend and having anxiety and being a bitch and I don't know". I looked at her in shock. I couldn't believe she was saying this because she had no idea how much I loved her. It was time to say it. "Isabelle, I don't care that you cut or that you have anxiety. I care about the good things. I'm not saying these things aren't good but I'm saying that you are perfect just the way you are. And and", I stopped, anticipating the moment and I finally said it, "Isabelle, I love you".

Isabelle's Pov:

After Finn texted me I laid on the bed in silence. After about five minutes I got up and went into this bathroom. I found a razor and held it up. I heard a faint knock and assumed it was the front door. I started crying and put the blade to my skin. I slid it across my wrist and watched the blood fall in drops onto the floor. I made another cut but a little deeper this time. The pain was bad but I couldn't stop. I didn't even know why I was doing this.

Thoughts were spinning around in my head and I couldn't shut them up. "He hasn't kissed you yet he obviously doesn't like you. You don't matter. You don't matter to Finn or your family or your idols or anyone. You are worthless and deserve to die. Why are you still living if you just cut deep enough no one would miss you", the thoughts swirled and I cut again deeper. I reached up to grab a towel and a bottle of peroxide fell on the ground. I heard a bang on the door,"Izzy let me in".

I sat there in shock. I made another cut and silently let another tear fall but I started making a sobbing noise. "Belle please let me in", Finn called banging on the door again. This time when I heard his voice I started crying loudly and I had realized how bad this was. I already knew how bad it was to cut before but when the thoughts took over I couldn't control it. The door opened and I looked up at Finn. I felt so horrible.

The look on his face made me want to throw up. He looked so shocked and disappointed. I was too and I started crying again. I felt Finn's arms wrap around me and I felt ashamed. I started crying harder and he squeezed a bit tighter. I knew that he was there for me. I knew that I could trust him and that he was never gonna leave me. After a while we got up from the bathroom floor and he washed off my wrists. I couldn't thank him enough for all that he had done and I couldn't have been more sorry because of what I had done and how he had to be my boyfriend.

We went and sat in my room and I put my head on his shoulders and he held my injured wrist in his lap rubbing his thumb on my hand. I found it calming the way his thumbs made circles on my hand. After about five minutes I worked up the courage to say something. "I'm sorry", I squeaked softly. "For what?", Finn asked me. "For cutting", I cried, "For being a bad girlfriend and having anxiety and for being a bitch and I don't know".

Finn looked at me and I knew I just knew that he was gonna break up with me. "Isabelle, I don't care that you cut or that you have anxiety. I care about the good things. I'm not saying these things aren't good but I'm saying that you are perfect just the way you are. And and", he stopped. My heart was pounding as he finally continued,"Isabelle I love you".

Authors note:
If you are reading this story thanks so much for showing interest. Make sure to vote and follow me. I follow back!!! I promise this story gets better just bare with me. It is the first chapter am I right? My goal is to get at least ten votes because I am only a new writer. So Ya. Ily u guys so much.
-Mahala❤️