renmin oneshots

let's do well this season

by : JAEMREN_ch1ld

tags : renmin , relationship from resonance to hot sauce era, angst

"Are we okay?"

"We haven't been okay, Jaemin."

"Are we okay?"

"We haven't been okay, Jaemin."

Ahead of the upcoming full album, and busier schedules, Renjun tries to become lenient. He tries so hard to become better, to have longer patience. He desires to be someone better than who he was in the last season.

Renjun typically doesn't meddle on anything beyond his borders, knowing he could be hurt. He knows his stand, he knows where to land on his feet.

But with Jaemin, everything is so unclear.

"What happened to us?" Jaemin asks him, heads down and his both hands are bonded together.

Renjun doesn't talk. His eyes are brimming with the pain he has taken inside his heart for so many months. His eyes find the shaking hands of Jaemin, his black sticking out on his temples.

Renjun opens his mouth. "Do you even know how I am doing these past few months?" There are hundreds of questions, most of them connected to Jaemin and his shaky and failing relationship with him.

Jaemin lifts his head, eyes red and unfocused. He tries to wipe the tears from Renjun's cheeks but Renjun wipes it for himself. "I wanted to be alone... to know if I'm still in control of myself.." Jaemin whispers.

"Then why am I still a part of you?" Renjun asks again.

The insides of Jaemin and Jeno's room feels too uncomfortable for the two of them.

They should have been congratulating each other, finally having a comeback with all seven members of their unit and having a full album after waiting for so long.They're even going on a trip tomorrow and filming for a reality show on their channel so why does it have to come to this?

The bottled pain from last year's promotion. The neglect of feelings, the surge of unwanted thought, and Jaemin's lack of appearance in their relationship became the turning point for Renjun.

He tries so hard to let it rest, let it die in the quiet and tranquil movements of their relationship but he needs Jaemin to do that. But how if the person he needs in this crucial time is slowly fading away?

Renjun grabs his phone and tries to stand up but Jaemin eagerly hugs his waist, whispering small 'don't go' to him. He bites his lower lip and brushes his hair with his fingers.

"Let's fix this, please." Jaemin is crumbling.

"How? You're not fixing it with me, Jaemin. I can't fix a relationship for two alone. I'm not a God." Renjun turns around to face Jaemin but Jaemin is only hugging his waist, his face buried in the center of Renjun's stomach.

"I was so scared." Jaemin is hyperventilating.

Renjun tries to remove his hug but Jaemin tightens it even further. "I wanted to tell you..b-but everytime I try..you just look so happy and h-how can I just ruin that?" Jaemin says between hiccups.

There's a beat of silence.

Renjun kneels down and cups Jaemin's face. "Take a deep breath, please. You're hyperventilating." Renjun says and Jaemin does it in a blink of an eye.

Jaemin opens his eyes and looks Renjun straight in the eyes. His long eyelashes are bathing in tears and his lips are almost bleeding from the extreme biting he's been doing for days.

"Please..Please don't leave me, Injunnie.

Please.." Jaemin tries to hug Renjun again. "I'll talk to you, I'll tell you everything, I'll be better." Jaemin says in a quick pace.

Renjun made mistakes within the bounds of their relationship too. Jaemin welcomes him back in his arms even after those mistakes. But it can be tiring.

"You and I...We're just staying because we're used to each other." Renjun mutters.

"No!" Jaemin yells. "I love you. I want us to see the ends of our life together." Jaemin pleads. And Renjun can just give it up and hug Jaemin because out of all people, Renjun sees through him the most but Renjun is also tired. They have been running in the same circle, trying to outrun each other at a pace that both of them should be doing as two.

Renjun closes his eyes, mouthing silent apologies. He shouldn't be apologizing, but, here he is, mind's empty and hazy.

"I was so stressed...I wanted to say no, and just promote one song that time because I was so tired..but you said it was a good chance so I took it.." Jaemin says between sobs.

Renjun remembers that. He told Jaemin to promote the second album too, he said it was a rare opportunity. Renjun admits he didn't know what Jaemin wanted that time, as he was too happy for his lover to even comprehend that Jaemin was so lost and was waiting for a different answer from him.

"I love you, Injun. Please, just please, don't leave me." Jaemin hugs him again, it isn't tight, but it's enough to tell Renjun that Jaemin is at his weakest.

"I'm here, I'll be here." Renjun whispers, his palms wiping the blood trickling from Jaemin's dried lips. "We'll be fine," Renjun lets both of their foreheads touch, kissing Jaemin's lips in the process.

Maybe Renjun is tired but aren't all people the same as him? He can get tired, he can lose his composure, but at the end of the day, his love and faith towards Jaemin stays the same.

Jaemin can be selfish, he can make childish decisions, he can do stuff that can make Renjun leave him, but when times when Renjun pushes himself too much, Jaemin will be there to give him water and tell him to get some rest.

They have flaws.

"I was too nervous to talk about our plans for tomorrow...We will be filming but there will be breaks and I want to enjoy it with you..I wanted the both of us to rest.." Jaemin says when the silence is too loud.

"..you are my rest, Renjun. You feel like home. I hope you know that.." Renjun nods his head. Jaemin always reminds him of his importance, alone as a person, and together as a boyfriend Jaemin always waited for.

"I know you're not okay, I.. I know it  but I know, at the same time, you want to solve it by yourself and I also know that you only need someone who would listen. I'm sorry I wasn't listening, I'm sorry I could've made you feel better." Jaemin continues to talk and Renjun is happy enough to be even heard, to be even understood.

"...I love you, Jaemin." Renjun says.

"I love you too, Renjun." Jaemin kisses his ears.

"Let's do well this season, too."

Are they okay?

No, but they will be.