Poetry because why not? ~part 1~

the untouchable feeling of love

the topic of love has always come hard to me

the feeling always captured on TV as something so easy

but in reality, love is like a kayak in a lethal storm

its hard to keep hope and keep from drowning into the the blue form

im not talking about love from a partner

but the love from a father

its always seemed as if there was really nothing at all

all the talks we had were meaningless calls.

i sometimes wonder if it was always me

being compared to everything and everyone, being held to the highest standard of what the perfect daughter should be

it almost seems as if the harder i work, the more i get hit by reality

continually hitting me to the ground, a stronger force of gravity

i look at the kids around me and see love in their eyes

while at night i stay up and let out my silent, worthless cries

i ask myself, if so many people have it this easy why are they the ones i strive to be

its almost like all my difficulties, cries, and bleeds were nothing but silly

why should I be held to the standard of a 1 year old?

and the remarks they make towards me burn away that safe blanket leaving me to fight the cold

why should i be held to the persepective of a 19 year old?

as if my life is nothing but a competition that everyone gets a turn to hold.

why am i not good enough for just being who i am?

taking every step of my life as if its an exam

i've always thought the world was against my generation

I mean when you get constantly held back for your flaws and receive no elevation

you start to wonder whats wrong with you?

left with such thoughts to struggle with only to understand that its true

the untouchable feeling of love

decided that this feeling for me should not be heard of

something i so strongly desire along with attention

is replaced with a brutal desire by others for perfection