Love Chromosomes

XXXV. Deja Vu

With the numbness he feels all through out his body, Mark extended his hand as his Aunt Preeda handed him a white envelope. After giving it to Mark, his aunt just turned his back from him and retreated back inside the house without saying anything further.

With his trembling hands, Mark opened the letter and his heart almost sank when he saw how it was addressed.

*
Mark,

Yes dear. I have always known it was you.

The moment you came that day from Japan, I know right away that you weren't Masa. How can a mother not recognize her own child? I may have neglect you all these years but I want you to know that my heart never stopped yearning for you.

I'm sorry my son. I'm sorry for not being there for you all these years. I regret everything I have done. I was hurting so much from the failed marriage of me and your father that I ended up ignoring you in my effort to forget everything that has something to do with Kenji.

If only I could turn back time or be healthy again, I would extend all my effort to take you back. This might be too late to wish for now, so I did my best to compensate with you when you came back from Japan and start pretending to be your brother.

I hope I have done my best to show you how much I love you son. For that short time given to us, I hope I have made you feel loved.

No matter what the reason for the two of you to switch position like this, I will never condemn it. I love you two the most in this whole wide world. Just tell your brother I miss him.

By the time you read this, I know I am no longer around in this world of the living. So the two of you must comfort each other ok? Please make sure to be there for each other no matter what happens.

Again, I love you and your brother the most.

~Your Mæ

*

Mark suddenly lost all his strength after reading his mother's letter and his knees collapsed. If not for Pran who was standing right at his back, he might already fallen hard on the ground.

"Mark! Are you ok? You look so pale man." Pran asked his friend as he helped him regain his balance once again. But Mark just slide down and sat on the gutter, his eyes blank in disbelief.

His mother knew all along. She knew since day one that he was only pretending to be his oniisama, yet she treated him just the same. She tolerated everything. She even expressed her guilt for neglecting him all these years. Mark was overwhelmed with the mixed emotions it brought him.

His whole body trembled when all the suppressed feelings tried to get out all at once. He let out a loud howl of desolation making Pran panicked. Even Vee that was now standing at the side of his car looking at the whole scene was alarmed of the sound Mark made. The two weren't able to see the content of the letter that made Mark react like this. They can only throw assumptions that it was far from being pleasant.

Mark continued to make a disgruntled sound for quite awhile until his larynx was all strained. He buried his head on his knees to muffle the sound he can't control. Pran sat beside him and rubbed his back as he cried more painfully. Vee on the other side of the road can only wish he was at Pran's place instead. He strongly wanted to wrapped his arms around Mark's to comfort him. But since he had lost his rights to do so, he can only watch from afar.

For Mark it seems like a deja vu. Why does he kept on losing people in one go? Tonight was almost as the same as that night back in Sapporo. Saya broke up with him and his oniisama died right after. Tonight was very much the same. His P Vee gave him up all of a sudden and not even an hour right after, the news of his mother's death came.

Sometimes he asked himself if he had been so bad in his past life to deserve all this. The Gods were too cruel in treating him in this life time of his.

"Pran?" He found his voice once again after he had recovered a bit from all the crying.

"Yes Mark?"

"Thanks." He appreciated the effort of the man beside him for staying even though it was too early in the morning. Though Mark had wished for another person instead, he's still thankful that it was Pran who stayed.

"Hey, you don't have to thank me. You know me and Jane will always be there for you." Pran answered him and continued to rub his back.

"Thank you so much for staying with me all this time Pran. I know I do not deserve you guys after deceiving you and such. But still you chose to stay beside me. I am so lucky to have you two. Niisama was so blessed to meet friends like you."

"Stop saying nonsense Mark! Should I take you inside your house? I think you need a rest." Pran told his friend in concern.

"I think I'm going back to Japan soon Pran." Mark blurted out making his friend froze. The thought of Mark leaving Thailand after all of his problems were solved had already left Pran's mind a long time ago.

"..."

"I don't have the reason to stay anymore. I need to get back to Japan to help manage my father's business." He told Pran who still process what he was talking about. He was too used of having Mark around that he thought he'd stay to graduate  alongside with Jane and him in the future.

"How about your studies Mark?"

"I think I'll be dropping out from the course too. There's no reason for me to continue studying medicine. I only took it because of my mæ. Now that she's gone..." Once again, he choked on his words remembering his mother. It was never his dream to be a doctor after all. It was all for her mother.

"What about P Vee?" Pran asked despite knowing he'll be touching one sensitive issue. He would like to know Mark's honest answer just this once. Pran saw his friend's mouth twitched in an awkward smile before answering him.

"Everything's over between us Pran. Looks like he's too good for someone like me. My life was too complicated for him to get involved to. For someone like him who grew up in a peaceful environment and well-loved by his family, he won't be able to withstand the chaos that surrounds me. Even if he says he loves me, his heart won't be able to tolerate the constant troubles that naturally follows me around. Sooner or later, he'd leave me anyway."

This painful truth became more clearer to Mark now. The thing between him and Vee had long been decided by the Gods. It was way too impossible for them to be together. Somehow, it had to stop. With his mother's death and his impending return to Japan, it can finally come to a rightful end.

A few meters away from the two friends, Vee hides in the shadows reeling at his car for support as the painful words from Mark stabbed his heart. He then realized how foolish he was for thinking that it was Mark who was selfish and unstable with regards to their feelings for each other.

He realized that the problem lies within him. He was too quick to give up on Mark. His love for him was too fickle like a child's. It cannot withstand the test of time. It was him who doesn't deserve someone like Mark.

💩💩💩

* A chapter out from both of their mind for once. 🥲