Care to Command

51 Numb

It's weird.

How I'm not breaking down. I'd expect a full blown meltdown with sobs.

But I have to force my eyes to water for some relief. It's all just built up. I can't breathe.

I'm almost home thirty minutes later when Grant calls. I consider letting it go to voicemail.

But the sick part of people-pleasing takes over. He's still my boss and I left in the middle of work.

I fucking pick up.

"Layla, where are you?" He asks urgently.

"I left for the day. I wasn't feeling well."

"Can you come back for just thirty minutes? I need to talk to you. It's very important."

"I... I don't think so, Grant. Sorry, I'm not feeling well."

He sighs on the other end. "Layla, there's been a very... ugly misunderstanding. I... I don't feel comfortable letting it simmer over the weekend when I know I can fix it now. I'd really... really appreciate it if you could make the time today."

And I'd really appreciate it if you didn't take me for a fool.

If you didn't string me along for all these months.

Tears blur my vision and my lip trembles.

I hit the back of my head against the seat to distract myself. Dig my nails into my palms. Curse myself for being pathetic.

"I worked for you for four years." I struggle to get the words out. "Four years I've been nothing but loyal to you, Grant. First one in, last one out. Never said no to anything. Stood by your side through... everything."

"Layla—"

"Please, let me finish." I say louder. "I could understand why you'd think I don't qualify. I'm not stupid. But you... you took me for a fool, Grant. Couldn't respect me enough to be honest—"

"Layla, I had a plan for you." Grant says in a calm and fatherly voice. "I promise you. The decision wasn't final. We were speculating who it'd go to, but things always change last minute."

"That's not what you made it sound like."

"Then I was poor at communicating." He replies professionally. "I apologize for any distress my moment of error has caused. But you're too valuable to me to let you leave like that. Not before you give me a chance to prove to you what you mean to this company."

I stay quiet, conflicted. A small part of me that's been desperate for words like that is hopeful. The other part is screaming to get a sense of reality.

They're playing you!

But what if they care?

Grant sighs. "Would you be able to come back to the office so we can talk face to face?"

And see Lucas there? Not a chance.

"Not today." I say monotonously, staring into nothing. I can't even think about him. No.

"Then it seems like I have no other choice but to do this over the phone." He says with regret, though his voice is calm like nothing is wrong. "Look, I'll keep it brief as I know it's been a heavy day and I want you to take care of yourself."

I put him on speaker mode and mute myself so he doesn't hear me cry.

"We want to offer you the role of Director of Analytics." Grant continues officially.

Director of Analytics? Sounds like a customized version of exactly what I like. I wonder how much money he'll offer with it.

"I had to talk to the Board of Directors to get approved on a very competitive salary. And... " I hear the smile in his voice. "And I have a feeling you'll be very happy with it."