Her eyes, his lies

Chapter 26

"I should've told you sooner," he admitted.

"Why didn't you?" Jane didn't mean to sound like she was accusing him of something, but her voice betrayed her. Perhaps she was still hurt, even if he had more than proven that she could trust him.

"I didn't want to ruin... this." He raised his hand, Jane's fingers still interlocked with his.

Jane's heart sped up as she became all the more aware of the contact between them. His warm hip against hers, her palm in his, and his eyes upon her own. That same butterfly feeling rose within her, but somehow different. More comfortable. Familiar, even.

"You could've told me. It wouldn't have changed the way I see you," she said.

He raised his eyebrows, a bemused smirk on his face. "Really?"

"... okay, not really."

He chuckled. "How about we make a deal."

"What kind of deal?" Jane asked.

"I already said I'd tell you everything, and I have, even if you've already hacked all my secrets. We need to trust each other."

Jane regarded him seriously. "That's asking a lot. What if like, you're a serial killer or something?"

"I'm not a serial killer, I promise," he said, with mocking earnestness.

She sighed.

"I did save you twice already," he joked, though it fell on sober ears.

Jane's anxiety had never allowed her to fully trust anyone, let alone a boy she had only really met a few weeks ago. She couldn't promise him that she wouldn't be suspicious of him. She didn't want to lie to him.

"You're right, you did. Thank you," she said.

He was looking at her expectantly, but his gaze fell to the pavement as the silence dragged on. It was clear Jane wouldn't promise him her absolute trust.

"Ryder, I've never done this before."

"This?" he glanced around them, confused. "What do you mean?"

"Like, been with a boy. It's all new to me. I can't just-"

He raised his hand, the one not holding Jane's. "Hey, hey. It's okay. I get it. I was asking for too much. My mistake."

This, in turn, made Jane herself feel bad, as if she were betraying Ryder somehow. Her boundaries, reinforced by years of loneliness and self isolation, were a crutch, even as they crippled her.

"Ryder..." She trailed off, her eyes drawn towards a pair of men standing at the other end of the courtyard. Their clothes were dark, and she was immediately reminded of Watson, though these men held none of the familiarity that he had. In her exhausted brain, they were the very picture of menacing criminals sent by Ryder's father.

Ryder followed her gaze, catching sight of them. It seemed he shared her sentiment, though with far less anxiety. "Maybe we should get going."

Jane nodded, wordlessly. Her nerves felt frayed, burnt out. She couldn't handle any more excitement today.

Ryder stood and scooped up the bags, before striding towards the archway. Jane followed close behind, never taking her eyes off the men. Her breath came quick and shallow.

With a forceful exhalation of breath, they passed beneath the archway. They glanced back with relief. The men hadn't followed them. It had been a false alarm.

"It's gonna be like this until we deal with my dad. Always running, looking over our shoulders, always wondering if he knows. We'll never be truly free." Ryder's voice was strangled by repressed frustration. He didn't like this any more than Jane did.