MaNan- 5 Years Later...

8• |Skeletons in the closet|

"I missed you." Randhir said, honestly.

"I did too but what is the point of this conversation, now, Randhir?" Nandini asked him straightforwardly. Her reactions to his simplest of statements made her realise how far away she had gone from him. It was almost as if she had forgotten how to be around him. She had forced herself to cut him out of her life when it got unbearable for her. Not long after his disappearance, she had started to miss him so much that it affected her mental peace. Realising that it wasn't healthy, she decided to cut him off her life and mind.

"You wanted me to take time off to think and get back to you only if I was actually ready for us and no breaking-up business. So, here I am." Randhir replied.

"We've known each other for nine years and we've been together for almost four years. After all that, it took you six months to ponder over a single thought that do you really want this or not. So, now, you tell me what should I take from this?" Nandini asked him bluntly. When she asked him six months ago if he could go all in with her, she expected him to respond affirmatively, in that very instant just like how she was ready for it. But when he let her know that he needed to think things over, it dawned upon her that they were not on the same page. Like any other human being, she felt very small about herself and began doubting if she was good enough for him, in the first place. That thought is horrifying for any breathing person so she relapsed to it as a reaction.

"You asked me to take time, didn't you?" Randhir was confused now. She had pushed him away saying that he must return only if he wanted this for life. He thought through it and he knew that he wanted her for his entire being.

"I didn't actually mean it. Where you are today, I was there six months ago so naturally I was expecting from you that you wouldn't have to think twice, back then. When you made it clear that you need to think things over, I guess, my mind snapped. Now, I'm not even close to where you want me to be." Nandini explained her state of mind in a nutshell.

"Is that my mistake? Do you blame me for everything that went wrong?" Randhir truly wanted to know if Nandini was pinning it all on him because that was far from the truth. He hadn't betrayed her trust or anything of that sort. He had actually complied to what she asked him to do. How was he supposed to know that there was some sort of underlying meaning to her words?

"Of course, not, Randhir. Both of us made mistakes and I know it." Nandini said, softly. This was a man she had loved to great lengths. She couldn't be harsh with him even if she wanted to be that way.

"So.... What now?" Randhir asked, relieved by the fact that she wasn't blaming him, entirely.

"Nothing.... We've drifted apart, a lot. I just don't think we can bridge that much distance." Nandini answered, grimly. She did not like saying it out loud but it was the truth. Saying it just made it feel more real than ever.

"You don't even want to try one last time? For old times' sake?" Randhir questioned in few words. He was feeling too overwhelmed to form coherent sentences.

"I think what we did six months ago was our last shot. Look, I didn't realise how much at peace I can be until we took this break. All that going back and forth had simply worn me out and this break just felt very exhilarating. I just don't think, I'm strong enough to put myself through all that again after knowing how it always ends." Nandini enunciated in the softest way possible. She felt like she owed him at least a decent explanation.

"So that's it? You're saying this won't happen, ever again?" Randhir questioned.

"I'm not putting a pin on that. All I'm saying is that I cannot do this, right now. Let's just see where it goes. If we are meant to be together then I'm sure that it'll happen in the future in its own." Nandini spoke with a small smile. She did not want to think that nothing could ever happen with him because the kind of love she has felt for him in the past, wouldn't let her say words like 'never'.