You're Like Coming Home

7.

"Damn it," Derek heard a familiar grumbling coming from the hallway a week later, and he frowned as he looked through the glass doors to see Meredith hopping up the stairs. He rolled his eyes and moved to open the door and grab her arm.

"Meredith, what the hell are you doing?" he asked. "Why aren't you using the elevator?"

"It's broken," she replied. "And I'm fine."

"You're not fine," he argued. "I don't know why you can't let anyone take care of you, but you can't go around hurting yourself."

"I'm not hurting myself," she said as she hobbled towards her room. "I'm walking towards my room."

"You just walked up four flights of stairs!" Derek exclaimed. "Meredith, you could have fallen and cracked your head open. What good would that have done anyone?"

"Well, lucky for me, my stalker is a future brain surgeon," she replied. "You would have been there just like you always are."

Derek stepped in front of her, prohibiting her from moving any further and he looked into her eyes. "What the hell is your problem?" he asked. "You won't even let me be friends with you now?"

"I don't need you!" Meredith yelled. "I don't need anyone, so just leave me alone."

"That's bullshit," Derek argued. He'd been waiting all week to do this, to find out what was going on in that head of hers. She had made it obvious that she didn't want anyone to break through the barriers she had set up for herself, and the entire time she'd been avoiding him, he'd spent trying to figure out how to get her to talk to him. "Everyone needs someone."

"That's not true," she argued as she tried to maneuver towards her.

"Yes it is," Derek said, moving to stand firmly in front of her door. "Do you want to tell me why the hell you're denying this?"

"Denying what?" Meredith asked, fire in her eyes.

"The fact that there's something between us," Derek said softly. "And not sexually. It's fine if you don't want that. But you're completely denying the fact that there's any connection between us at all, and I want to know why."

"You want to know why?" Meredith asked. "You really want to know why I can't let you get close to me?"

"Yes," Derek said, all anger fading away from his voice as he stepped forward, not touching her but his eyes boring into hers. "Why, Mer?"

Meredith bit her lower lip and turned to walk into her room, leaving the door open as a sign for Derek to follow. She sank onto her bed, and Derek paused for a moment before he sat down at her desk, not wanting to invade her space. There was a long silence in the room before Meredith finally began to speak.

"My dad...he left when I was five," Meredith said softly. "My mom was cheating on him, and they hated each other, so he just...he left. I heard them fighting the night before he left, and he told her that she was a robot, not really human and not worth loving. The next morning he was packing the car and I ran out to ask him where we were going. He always used to take me to the zoo, on picnics...fun stuff. But he looked at me and he told me I was exactly like my mother and that if I cared about anyone, I shouldn't let myself poison them."

"Oh, Mer," Derek breathed, moving to sit next to her on the bed. "That...is so not true."

"It is true," she replied around her tears. "And that's why I've never let any guy close to me. Because I'm poison. Especially you, Derek, you deserve so much better than me."

"Meredith," Derek whispered. "That is the biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard."

"It's true," Meredith insisted, reaching for the tissues that sat on the dresser next to her bed. "So can't you see that's why I can't let you get close to me? Because if we're friends, you're going to keep wanting more and I can't give you more because you'll just get hurt."