Metanoia || P. Jongseong

O9

"Let's play 20 questions" Jay suggested.

We're sitting on the floor with our backs leaning on the sofa here in the living room. When he told me earlier that we will watch a movie we ended up watching pororo, he just stopped the show around 11 in the evening.

"Hmm, sure" I mumbled

He shifted his position, he's facing me with his elbow on the sofa and the side of his face leaning on his palm. "I'll start. What's your first impression about me?"

I blew air inside my mouth as I think of our first encounter on the first day of school, "asshole"

Jay bursted out laughing at the simple word that came out of my lips "oh my, didn't thought it would be this funny coming from you"

Rolling my eyes, I asked him a question "how's it being a troublemaker?"

"What kind of question is that? But anyways, it's not like I want it. Remember when you saw me fighting with a junior student? It was actually because I heard him talking dirty things about you, I felt really mad come to think of it I don't know why I even fought with that junior because of you" he...he got mad because someone talked dirty things about me? "You...you do know the true intention of Yoora and Chaemi but why did you let them?"

I nibbled my lower lip as I stayed silent for a couple of seconds, "I don't like being alone, so it doesn't matter if I'm surrounded by fake people as long as I'm not alone. I'm scared of being alone though I know really well that the other guys are there"

Jay gently tapped my knee and when I turned to him, he's smiling "you have me now and of course the other guys too"

Nodding my head slowly, I returned back the smile that he showed "what's it like? Being born with a lot of privilege"

"You say you want something and you'll have it immediately. You can always buy the things you want or need, you can go to a lot of places without worrying about the money, you can go to your dream school even if the tuition fee is really expensive. You don't have to repeatedly wear this clothes because you can buy a lot, you can have branded things, expensive things, it doesn't matter because you have this much money. But one thing is for sure" I glanced at him when he suddenly paused, "it won't make you happy. Having to live with your parents who's always away for business trips, who you even barely see at home, who you can't even bond with, who you can't even share your worries and problems with, who you can't talk to when you needed someone. Being poor with a happy family is what I think much better than being rich but you only see your parents twice a month"

Half of my assumptions were wrong.
Life might be easier if you are born rich and with privilege but there's always cons to it.

People are happy whenever they get everything they want but once they feel that something is missing that's when they'll realize that having a bunch of money isn't what makes you really happy, money may be essential too for buying things that we need but it isn't really they key for us to be happy, it's the people around you they are what truly makes someone happy.

"What's it like? Living the opposite?" He slowly uttered.

"You're fortunate if you still have a family, you might feel happy and contented despite how hard life is. But, not everyone has a parents that will fulfill their needs. For someone like me, it's all cons. I have four jobs almost all of the time those aren't enough, I may have scholarship but that doesn't mean that I don't have anything to pay in school. I'm already lucky if I was able to eat for a day or at least 3 times a day, I don't have sufficient money to at least buy a new pair of clothes or shoes. I can't even enjoy things, have fun and enjoy my teenage life. Rest? Enough sleep? Proper meals? Not in my vocabulary" a bitter smile spread across my lips.

I remembered those sleepless nights, those days that I wasn't able to eat for a day, those tiring and stressing days, those times that I just ended up breaking down because of tiredness emotionally and physically.

Fingers cross, my hardwork won't betray me.

"We used to fight every single damn time, what do you think is the reason?" I turned to Jay and now he's wearing an amused smile, perhaps thinking how we managed to always brawl every time we see each other for almost four years but look at us now having a normal conversation like those people who are starting to get to know each other.

"I hated you, so much. I heard a lot about you, you're quite famous for always acing everything that are acads related. But, you're a wimpy, namby-pamby. I hate you for being weak, I hate you for letting other people use every damn fucking time, I hate you because you can't even speak for yourself, I hate you because you just simply go with what they want despite not liking it, I hate you for being so kind to other people. That's why after a week of being in freshman year, I started getting into your nerves, I don't know maybe I want to see you at least fought back to me but what I hated again was that you always have voice when it comes to fighting with me but not when it comes to defending and standing up for yourself" he's looking at me straight in the eye, as if he's trying to tell me something with those pretty eyes.

Everything that he said was like an arrow it hit me in the heart. Those were true though, I am that kind of person.

Jay made me look at him when I was staring on the floor, "Don't be like that. It's not a bad thing to be kind to other people but don't let them take advantage of you, you're not a robot to always do whatever they want you to do. You are a person with feelings, aren't you tired of them using you? I bet you are. You need to see your own worth and it'll start with you, if you think it's okay for them to order you around then it means you're letting them do that but if you think it's not okay it means you're not letting them. I hope one day you'll realize that you're more than that"

Jay then wiped my tears letting me know that I'm already crying again for the second time today in front of him. I don't even know why I didn't hesitated crying in front of him, I even let my tears flow without me noticing when in fact I always force myself not to cry in front of anyone.

"What...what happened earlier?"

The thought of what happened earlier made me a crying mess in front of him. "The w-wife of my uncle, she's f-forcing me to marry Yoo Minho for the sake of her company. The e-engagement party will be on Monday" just like earlier, he once again pulled me in his embrace "Jay, I don't want to marry him"

"I know" he whispered while his right hand is gently tapping my back and his left hand caressing my hair. "And I won't let that happen, okay?"

I stayed silent after nodding my head. If I were to choose, I'd rather choose to be with Jay and fight with him all the time than to marry someone I don't even know.

When I wrapped my arms around Jay's torso, I felt much more comfortable in our position that my eyelids started to feel heavy. With Jay's arms around me, his smell lingering in my nose, his body warmth, it was easier for me to fall asleep unlike those other nights.

"Thank you" I whispered before momentarily falling asleep in his arms.

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Few moree chapters left :( i hope you guys will still continue to support me even after this