My Reason (KilluGon)

Saudade

Gon and Killua had decided to stop at Gon's favorite café for a snack. 

The walk there was a silent one. They didn't have anything to talk about and Killua was still drowning in his own guilt. Instead, they stared off at the scenery. The road to the cafe was empty and quiet except for the sound of nature and insects. There was a cool breeze starting to form and Gon walked closer to Killua, grabbing onto his arm and leaning into his body in order to steal some of his body heat. Killua normally would've pushed anyone else off, but Gon was his exception. 

"I didn't know her very well." Gon was the first to break the silence, he was staring into Killua's brilliant blue eyes. He could tell he was having an internal battle, he just couldn't pinpoint why. When there was no response he continued, "We talked a few times but that was it, I didn't know her personally. I don't even know why I cried. Maybe it's just the thought that she died alone, she didn't have anyone." 

Killua stared at Gon in amazement as if he had just read his mind and was trying to tell him 'it's ok.' Killua honestly thought for a split second that Gon knew he had killed the old woman, but then he brushed off the thought since there was no way Gon knew unless he really was a mind reader. Gon's words did manage to take a huge weight off of Killua, he didn't feel the crushing sensation of guilt anymore. 

"I guess I just felt... saudade."  Gon said with a sad smile, leaning more into Killua when another gust of wind came.

"Saudade?" Killua questioned, not catching onto what that word meant. 

"Mhm." 

"Well? Are you gonna tell me what it means or not?" Killua said with playful annoyance, flicking Gon's forehead. 

Gon clutched his forehead with a small 'ow' before he spoke up. 

"It's a feeling of nostalgia for something that might've been." Gon said matter-of-factly. Killua squinted his eyes at Gon. Maybe he's not an idiot after all. 

"That sounds stupid." Killua settled on saying. 

They'd finally reached the café and took a seat outside at a two-seater wooden table. The café was called Bits and Pots, which reminded Killua of his mission. Just then, Killua's target walked out of the store in a green apron. He walked over to the two boys and stood in front of them with a small notepad. 

"Orders?" He questioned, looking between the two. Killua stared at the man, feeling no bloodlust. 

Gon had answered first, "Yeah, I'll have an orange juice." 

"Chocolate milk. And vanilla cake." Killua added. The waiter nodded and walked back into the store. 

Killua stared over at Gon who was texting someone on his phone. Gon looked up from his phone and flashed Killua a smile. "Kurapika and Leorio are coming over too." 

It wasn't long before the waiter came back with their orders. Killua began digging into his cake while Gon sipped at his orange juice and would occasionally take a sip from Killua's chocolate milk, not that Killua minded.

 Before long, they saw the approaching figures of Leorio and Kurapika. Kurapika looked annoyed while Leorio looked exhausted, as if he'd just ran a marathon. They were talking amongst themselves and it wasn't until they got closer the boys were able to make out their conversation. 

"I told you we were going the wrong way." Kurapika said with a sour look, crossing his arms. 

"Yeah well! I meant to go that way." Leorio said half-heartedly, turning away in embarrassment. "Besides, your way was scary. I saw a spider! It was the size of my face!" Leorio held his hands far apart, trying to show Kurapika how big the spider was. Kurapika rolled his eyes but then smirked, poking at Leorio's face. "You know I'd protect you, scaredy cat." 

Killua and Gon watched the scene intently and it wasn't until Kurapika felt eyes on him that he noticed they'd been watching them and they'd heard everything. Kurapika cleared his throat and walked the rest of the way to the boys. Leorio and Kurapika pulled up 2 chairs and sat across from the boys. 

Just then Killua nudged Gon's hand and motioned for him to look at his phone. Gon opened his phone and saw a text message from Killua. 

Killua💙: Bet you 1 pound of ChocoRobos they're fucking 

Gon stared at the screen with a little blush at his use of the curse word before he looked at Killua with a mischievous smirk.

Green Bean💚: You're on.

The friend group chatted away idly for the rest of the afternoon until eventually Kurapika suggested they should go home before it got too dark. 

They all walked together until they came to a fork in the road. It was then Killua decided to see if he'd win the bet or not. 

"Hey Kurapika." 

"Hm?" Kurapika hummed, staring at Leorio fiddling with his belt buckle.

"Are you and Leorio a thing or what?" 

"What?!" Kurapika's eyes widened in shock meanwhile Leorio was being unusually quiet for once. Kurapika cleared his throat and started walking away in the other direction with Leorio following closely behind. "As if. I'll have you know I have standards. And besides, I can barely tolerate him. For one, he's always too distracted, he never listens, he acts like an old man, and don't even get me started on his perversion-" Kurapika's voice started to fade the further away he went. 

Killua and Gon exchanged a look before bursting out in a laugh. They had bent over and Gon slapped his knee while Killua tried to catch his breath. It was a solid minute before they had both completely calmed down. After Killua finished laughing he felt a darkness cloud his mind. It was a split second but during that time he felt the urge to kill. He shook off the feeling as him just being tired. Gon noticed the change in his mood but decided not to say anything. 

"Alright, you win" He handed Killua a giant bag of ChocoRobos from his book bag. It wasn't unusual for Gon to keep a bag of Killua's favorite candy in his backpack, he knew how much he loved them after all. 

Killua's face lit up and he snatched the bag, grabbing a handful and shoving them into his mouth. Gon decided to grab a handful as well and stuffed his mouth. 

"Wow! 'ese are really goo'!" He said with his mouth full, a few pieces of ground chocolate spitting out of his mouth and onto Killua. Killua shoved him away with a playful smile. 

"Ew! Close your mouth you slob!" 

Gon rolled his eyes but swallowed the mouthful of chocolate. 

"You know you love this slob." Gon said teasingly, smiling at the reaction he got from Killua which was a small blush. 

"You're such an embarrassment. I'm going home." Killua said, shoving one hand into his pockets while carrying the bag of chocolate with the other. 

That night as Killua changed into his fluffy white pajamas and curled into bed, he received a text from Gon. It didn't surprise him since it was routine for him to always get a goodnight text from the boy. He'd be more concerned if he didn't receive one. 

Green Bean💚: Night Killua! 

Killua💙: Night night 

Killua and Gon both turned their phones off with a smile and fell into peaceful sleep. Gon had already made peace with the fact that Hinata was dead and it didn't bother him as much anymore, he had cried over it and he wasn't about to go into a state of depression for someone he barely knew. Killua felt better knowing Gon wasn't dwelling on her death and he wasn't close with her, it helped ease him of his guilt. 

But there was still that lingering darkness in the back of his mind.