Haven

Chapter Forty Two

Alex

Sitting across from Jaida in the rather secluded booth I managed to buy our way into, I felt more at a loss than ever.

I should be fucking furious that she put me through the fear she did today, but I couldn't bring myself to be anything but relieved.

She was barely touching her food, though considering her regular appetite was rather good, I'd decided to give a leave pass on that lecture too. Whether it was the right thing to do or not.

Clearing my throat, it was now or never to get the ball rolling on working through the problem.
"Madison overstepped in her reaction to you having a friend over?" I almost teased, trying to keep her walls down as she refused to look up at me.

Both brows raise, before she sighs and neutralizes her expression.
"I can't be there with her playing half mom, half friend," she begins, her eyes trained on the half eaten plate of ravioli. "She's not even a friend cause she goes all reptile as soon as her sister comes around but she pretends to be, all the while her biggest concern is how to shackle you." She does look up this time, gauging my reaction though I know it won't stop whatever she has to say. "I don't feel like I should have to be doing the same, I don't care to compete for your affections here, she's your girlfriend but I'm your daughter."

I baulk at her words. "I know that Jaida!" I exclaim, fighting to keep my voice down. "I apologize for ever making you feel as though there was some kind of competition because there isn't, you won that one before I even met you. Then I met you, and for the first time in my life I felt like I genuinely cared for another person more than myself. Unconditionally. So let's just drop that petty notion that I'd ever put her in front of you." My words were harsher than intended but necessary.

She just looks at me, her expression unchanging.
"I never could rely on my mom, but I never thought I'd have to consider her out of my life forever. She felt like a security blanket that even when she couldn't do much for me, I knew she did love me." She stops, swallowing back the inevitable tears. "Now I just feel a bit unstable. I don't know why Madison is making that harder but she is, and it's probably seriously unfair to everyone that I'm in your lives messing everything up but I can't help that either. Neither of you know how it feels to have no control over your life, everything has changed so much and not one single part has been on my terms and you really don't understand how unsettling that is."

I sit back in my seat as I digest her words. She had a point. To a point. As a teenager, I don't think a lot of your life is on your own terms. I know I spent my years trying to please coaches, teachers and above all else my parents. I don't know if I read too much into it then but on reflection I definitely didn't do much on my own terms. Maybe that's why I became so selfish and driven.

"I'm sorry for that baby, you've no idea how much I wish I could go back in time-"

"And not go out that night?" She quips, with a teasing smile and much welcomed twinkle in her eyes.

I roll my eyes, smirking. "I was going to say, go back and check up on Beka, find out about you," I admit, scratching my chin. "Anything to take away all of this anxiety and pain."

She smiles a small smile, nodding her head in silent agreement.

"You can't do what you did today because you've gotten upset," I lecture her gently. "We've had this conversation about running before hon, it doesn't work. If you wanted to have your friend over all you had to do was call me, I know I made it clear I was busy today and maybe you felt you couldn't contact me but that isn't the case. If ever you need me, I will make sure I'm available. Same goes for going to the cemetery, you could just text me, stalking out having trashed my room to steal my money in a rage isn't the answer."