I'm back | ✓

I'm back - 15 | a mandatory rager

"I don't know if I'm drunk enough for that, Daph!" I laughed, but she had already slammed back her drink and grabbed my arm. I sighed, finishing the last sip of my drink, and setting the glass down on a random counter as she dragged me through the crowd of dancing teens.

"She's up next!" Daphne cheered and the guy controlling the machine sent her a thumbs up. I felt my blood run cold, I was definitely very drunk- yet I was still sweating with nerves.

I waited anxiously for the guy to finish his song before Daphne pushed me and the guy helped me up and onto the table. "What do you want to sing?" I actually had a song in mind, the lyrics had been swirling around my mind since before my mother died. I whispered a melody in his ear and he nodded, "Oh! So we're going original today!"

I nodded and readied myself with a microphone as the tune started to play. I took a deep breath in and out, I can do this. Drunk me can do this. "𝑰'𝒎 𝒔𝒐 𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒆𝒄𝒖𝒓𝒆, 𝑰 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒌 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰'𝒍𝒍 𝒅𝒊𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝑰 𝒅𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒌. 𝑨𝒏𝒅 𝑰'𝒎 𝒔𝒐 𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒖𝒑 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒏𝒆𝒘𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒘𝒉𝒐 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆𝒔 𝒎𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒘𝒉𝒐 𝒉𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑰'𝒎 𝒔𝒐 𝒕𝒊𝒓𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒎𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒒𝒖𝒊𝒕 𝒎𝒚 𝒋𝒐𝒃, 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒂 𝒏𝒆𝒘 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆. 𝑨𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒚'𝒅 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒃𝒆 𝒔𝒐 𝒅𝒊𝒔𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒅 '𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒘𝒉𝒐 𝒂𝒎 𝑰, 𝒊𝒇 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒆𝒙𝒑𝒍𝒐𝒊𝒕𝒆𝒅?" I started to sing the song I'd recently deemed Brutal.

People in the mosh pit started to bop around to the rock-like beat. "𝑨𝒏𝒅 𝑰'𝒎 𝒔𝒐 𝒔𝒊𝒄𝒌 𝒐𝒇 𝒔𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒆𝒏, 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆'𝒔 𝒎𝒚 𝒇𝒖𝒄𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒆𝒆𝒏𝒂𝒈𝒆 𝒅𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒎? 𝑰𝒇 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒕𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒔 𝒎𝒆 𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆 "𝑬𝒏𝒋𝒐𝒚 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒕𝒉, " 𝑰'𝒎 𝒈𝒐𝒏𝒏𝒂 𝒄𝒓𝒚. 𝑨𝒏𝒅 𝑰 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒄𝒌 𝒖𝒑 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒎𝒚𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇, 𝑰'𝒎 𝒂𝒏𝒙𝒊𝒐𝒖𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒉𝒆𝒍𝒑. 𝑨𝒏𝒅 𝑰 𝒘𝒊𝒔𝒉 𝑰'𝒅 𝒅𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒃𝒆𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒆, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑰 𝒘𝒊𝒔𝒉 𝒑𝒆𝒐𝒑𝒍𝒆 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆𝒅 𝒎𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆."

I couldn't believe I was doing it, I was singing again! And in public no less, this is a step I could never bring myself to take even before my mother passed.

Thank you, Daphne.

"𝑨𝒍𝒍 𝑰 𝒅𝒊𝒅 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒕𝒓𝒚 𝒎𝒚 𝒃𝒆𝒔𝒕, 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒅 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒌𝒔 𝑰 𝒈𝒆𝒕? 𝑼𝒏𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒍𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒍𝒚 𝒖𝒑𝒔𝒆𝒕! 𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒚 𝒔𝒂𝒚 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒔𝒆 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒈𝒐𝒍𝒅𝒆𝒏 𝒚𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒔, 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝑰 𝒘𝒊𝒔𝒉 𝑰 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒅𝒊𝒔𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒆𝒂𝒓. 𝑬𝒈𝒐 𝒄𝒓𝒖𝒔𝒉 𝒊𝒔 𝒔𝒐 𝒔𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒆, 𝑮𝒐𝒅, 𝒊𝒕'𝒔 𝒃𝒓𝒖𝒕𝒂𝒍 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆." I belted out the chorus before going totally monotone at God.

I continued to sing through my drunkenness, before going soft on the last lyric. "𝑮𝒐𝒕 𝒂 𝒃𝒓𝒐𝒌𝒆𝒏 𝒆𝒈𝒐, 𝒃𝒓𝒐𝒌𝒆𝒏 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑮𝒐𝒅, 𝑰 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒕," I finished with a mic drop. It clinked and made a loud noise but the crowd didn't seem to notice as they cheered.