cigarettes, daydreams // lipsoul

εïз march 15, 2021 εïз

"I really can't believe my eyes,"

They're older now. Jinsoul can tell the years haven't been kind to Jungeun. Not that she looks old...she looks just as beautiful as the day Jinsoul first met her. It's the bags under her eyes, and dullness of her skin, the broken way she holds herself, thats how Jinsoul knows time has passed.

The last time Jinsoul saw her, Jungeun was just a seventeen year old who worked at the cafe near her college. Jinsoul was just a loser who needed friends and enjoyed Jungeun's company.

Now they were like strangers.

"You," Jungeun looks at her with big eyes.

"Me?" Jinsoul asks with an awkward laugh, scratching the back of her head. Jinsoul is aware she looks better than all those years ago. She stands up straighter now, she's wearing one of those fancy trench coats 19-year old Jinsoul would only dream of having. In her defense, the subways in Korea get cold and wet, and Jinsoul enjoys nice things.

"You're beautiful," Jungeun whispers, as if she's forgetting herself. Jinsoul blushes, unsure how to respond. Jungeun looks beautiful too, despite it all. Seeing her quells the heartache Jinsoul has felt since they parted ways.

Since Jungeun told her to leave, Jinsoul reminds herself.

"How are you?" She asks, even though the question feels meaningless. She knows how Jungeun has been, she can see it all in her face. It's not like Jungeun is going to tell her anyway.

"I've been...good," Jungeun looks down, at her shoes. They look old and slightly worn, the laces aren't tied and they're dragging along the dirty subway ground. "I've missed you,"

This is new. Old Jungeun would never have admitted that she missed Jinsoul. Sure, Jinsoul would know, but somehow hearing that made Jinsoul's heart feel a thousand times lighter. Jungeun still cared about her.

"You still smoke," She said softly, looking at the cigarette in Jungeun's hand. Jungeun had been keeping it low, as if she was ashamed. Maybe she was, Jinsoul had always been reprimanding her about the dangers of smoking.

Well, until she was kissing Jungeun.

"Yeah," Jungeun's lips form a thin line. "Never really got out of the habit,"

Jinsoul knows this is when she should leave. It's getting awkward, Jungeun is probably just trying to get home after a long day. She looks down at her watch, it's a quarter to nine. But no, she doesn't feel like she can leave. She doesn't want to. She doesn't know when she'll see Jungeun again.

"I didn't regret that kiss," She says, and Jungeun's eyes look like saucers the way they widen in shock. "The only thing I regret is not telling you how I felt,"

Jungeun fumbles with the cigarette, looking at it like it was the most interesting thing in the world. Jinsoul figures she isn't going to say anything until Jinsoul is done.

"Listen, I know you don't care for me, at least not the way I care for you, but please, don't let me lose you like a friend. Everyday, I keep wishing that after all these years, there was something I could do to make things better,"

"You care for me?" Jungeun's voice is small.

Jinsoul feels her throat tighten. "I do,"

"I thought..." Jungeun shook her head in disbelief. "You should've told me,"

"I know," Jinsoul admits. "I'm sorry,"

"You still care for me? Even after all the time has passed? Even after I look like this?"

Jinsoul frowns. "You still look beautiful. Pathetic, isn't it? That my feelings haven't wavered for a single day. I can't seem to get over you. I don't know what it even is about you but..." She sighs. "I feel like a fool,"

"You aren't a fool," Jungeun assures her, and it looks like she's trying not to smile. "If you were a fool, I wouldn't do this,"

She takes Jinsoul's face between her palms and kisses her. Softly, gently, and yet it leaves Jinsoul breathless. For the first time, she can feel Jungeun smiling against her lips.

"I care for you too," She whispers, like it's a secret she's afraid someone will overhear. Only Jinsoul hears, and puts her arms around Jungeun's small frame, keeping her close when they stop kissing.

"Took us long enough, huh?" Jinsoul smiles fondly.

Jungeun smiles too. She really smiles. Not one of the fake ones, or the sad ones. She looks happy.

"You're gonna be the death of me, Jung Jinsoul," Jungeun laughs, and then she kisses Jinsoul again.

"Can we try again?"

Jungeun looks down, spotting her abandoned cigarette in the muddy subway water. She doesn't want to smoke, not when she has Jinsoul.

"Yeah," She buries her face in Jinsoul's neck. "We can try again,"