Face (표정) ✓

Chapter 14

[Encore]

The others have stayed silent for a while since Kasey and Ashley talked. Now, everyone is gaping. I myself am puzzled. Why do I remind her of a person who broke her heart? Now, I'm starting to realize why she doesn't trust me, or people in general.

"So, this person broke you to the point that you tend to steer clear from anyone who isn't your friend. May I ask how you coped with it?" asks Lily out of the blue, taking words away from my mouth. Still, I'm not surprised. She's very smart and knows when to hit straight away.

Ashley sighs again and stares at the ceiling. "Before you make strange assumptions, no, my ex wasn't a boy. It wasn't a girl either." So, this means that... Her ex is not a cisgender. I'm tempted to say so, but choose more wisely to shut up. I don't want to piss her off further.

"My ex identified themselves as non-binary. They felt wrong and took it out on me. Every time they suffered, I had to suffer with them," explains Ashley, sorrow filling her words.

"This isn't love, it's addiction. I'm sure they didn't like the idea of moving on from you," I comment, trying to imagine how toxic this relationship was.

Instead of taking it out on me for basically finishing the discourse for her, she just nods and adds, "To make matters worse, they were also pissed off at my inability to control anger. You know, I want to make sure everything is perfect my way. This is why I was anything but thrilled to come here."

She seems honest in her intentions. Dealing with anger management issues and OCD at the same time sucks. I don't know if she's ever received any help. Maybe no-one apart from Kasey stood by her side. Or, maybe, she herself rejected any form to help. The only way to know is having her talk about this, but I don't want to force her.

"I'm sorry, Daejung. I shouldn't have taken you for granted or used you as my punching bag. You deserve better, like the rest." While her apology is sincere, I don't get why she said that I deserve better. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, she knows.

Rather than try and point out that no-one is perfect, I just shrug. I'm not supposed to engage in any sort of moral judgement especially after I basically lured everyone else here.

This is also why forgiving Ashley is much easier than I thought.

***

Since I'm the last one talking this round, I'm supposed to close the circle once for all. While I did open up to the rest of the group about my struggles, I still want to keep my promise. There's one last thing the others should know.

Amy glances at her phone, which is a sign that I should make it quick. She, as well as the rest, has a life, and I have no right to keep them all longer than intended.

I eye the others, focusing in particular on Lily. She gives me a shy smile and I scratch my head in return. Then, I ask, "Do you remember when we first met? You thought I was a psycho, right?"

Lily unsurprisingly nods, but still laughs softly. "Yeah, those questions kind of threw me off. I didn't expect you to ask me things such as my blood type. Like, why do you even care?" The rest of the group follows in the laughter.

"That's not your business," I remark, only to earn a bunch of suspicious glares.

"You're supposed to tell us everything, Daejung. What about your pledge of honesty?" points out Anna. She's right, but this is not the point. Spilling everything out is different from letting people nose around. In my opinion, she's underestimating the risk of crossing the line.

"Fine. Then don't go and judge me for that." I have to admit, I'm raising my tone without a reason. I shouldn't be the one to set a bad example to the others, especially after forcing them to confess their biggest secrets.

"There's a theory in South Korea about blood types. They're said to define your personality," I explain. "During blind dates, it's one of the first things to ask with your name and your age."

"That's bullshit," comments Kasey, visibly distraught.

"Do I look like I'm lying?" I keep a poker face while asking this question. At this point, anyone questioning my sincerity kind of bothers me but at the same time it's just laughable.

Amy intervenes. "Whether it's bullshit or not, do you think I can go? I'm sure my parents are still chasing after me and will definitely force me to talk to them."

I smirk. "Fuck them. You don't need their approval."

"But I can't avoid them forever."

"Then tell them to fuck off." I retort. If I told my own parents to take a hike, I'd be disowned. But, since free will exists, I'm taking advantage of it whenever I want. If I want to make a stupid decision, it's all on me. No-one has the right to act high and mighty while showing off their hypocrisy.

I'm sure the same applies to Amy. If she thinks she's better off away from her parents, then it's for the best. She doesn't need guidance anymore, especially for bigotry in person.

"You know what? You're telling me to flip them off directly because you faced this situation before. Is it true, Daejung?" Amy has just caught the mark. She seems to have understood my struggles as much as I bothered her.

I correct her. "Not exactly. My parents never disowned me, fortunately. The person I did flip off, however, was my former boss." I recoil in disgust as I confess what I did. Since work hierarchy in South Korea is very strict, defying it is basically walking down a path of shame that leads to demise.

"Was it that bad?" asks Wendy, shocked at my revelation.

"Yes. That mistake basically ended my reputation in that country. At least, though, it made me realized that it was becoming a little too tight for me." I laugh sarcastically as I continue talking. "I enlisted quietly, faced mistreatment and, when I was discharged, I left everything behind and fled to the United States. There was, and there is, no place for me in Korea."

Ashley sneers. "Not that the States are much better..." Under any other circumstance, I'd lash at her for simply thinking about it. However, I have to accept that no place is perfect and it's up to me to fit in, which I find easier here.

As I notice that Amy, Wendy and Anna start standing up and leaving the room, I precede them and offer to take them home. Kasey, Lee and Lily, however, stay behind. They probably have one more question for me.

Kasey jumps in even though an impatient Ashley is making signs that they should leave. "Mistreatment? In the Army? That's nuts!" he exclaims. "Did they target you because you're younger than most of them or because you don't take bullshit?"

"Neither of them. Also, I wasn't in the Army. I was in the conscripted police forces. The chief in charge used to have beef with my father and felt he could use that to take it all out on me." While I did resent that son of a bitch as much as the other people who basically lived off prejudice against me or my family, I don't care anymore. They'll still live their lives filled with hate while I'm here at peace.

I continue. "I guess you're asking because you were in the Army, right?"

He shakes his head. "No, it wasn't me, but my sister. She joined the Army but was booted for standing up against a superior. She claimed they were racist to her. No-one believed her."

Lee, who has been listening to us with a frown plastered on his face, sneers. "Army, Navy, police... All the same shit," he comments.

Everyone, including the three ladies that are about to leave, laughs. After all, it's the same shit around the world.