When I'm With Them, I'm Free

Chapter Two: Love Is Confusion, Too

You didn't realize what you had begun doing; the almost constant chattering to the bi-haired male, the short glances you would subconsciously take in his direction, and even the random spurts of (what looked like) platonic, physical affection.

The endearment never became anything more than gentle pats on the shoulder or a loose grip on his bicep; a warm feeling of flutters and anxiety filling you with each platonic touch. The fuzzy feeling in your stomach often confused you, as you treated almost all of your classmates like this. Your naturally laidback and somewhat friendly demeanor was half to blame, the other half a burden of being uneducated emotions, how to show them, and how to understand others'.

Physical affection was the only way you knew how to show your appreciation, as verbal expression was like knives cutting at your skin. Perhaps it was because of the sloshy water and the deep potholes. Maybe it was the silence that constantly surrounded you when you were a kid. And maybe it was the vulgar language your parents would scream at each other like it was all they knew, as if it was the only thing they understood.

But either way, you were almost as oblivious to your actions as Shoto was, almost ignoring their existence completely.

Blinking out of your shortly held daze at the tabletop, you began poking at your half-eaten omurice, eyebrows furrowed and eyes half-lidded. Hearing a buzz of conjoining laughs, you looked up, meeting eyes with Ashido, who held her toothy smile and continued to keep her nose scrunched.

You were at the lowly built table in the common rooms of Heights Alliance; you and the rest of your classmates chidley eating their servings of omurice and miso soup. As always, someone was talking, whether it was Kaminari cracking jokes or Iida reminding his peers of the upcoming tests or whatever he felt was important in that moment.

Usually, you were amped up like Kaminari, making jokes yourself and smiling as though nothing bad had ever happened to you. But the hallucinations were back again, and now it had become impossible to unsee the blood—the red that splattered across the walls and floor, sticky and warm and disgusting—the way her body was limp all around, and the tear that fell on her cheek to her neck. Her screams, too. You weren't there to listen to those in person, but you could've guessed how it sounded.

"[Name]? Are you okay?"

You blinked as you looked up once more, catching your gaze as it drooped towards the wood table. Your head suddenly felt fogged with sleep, clouded over as if someone was blowing hot, humid breaths on a sheet of cold glass. Ashido was leaning into the table with a half-concerned, half-bubbly expression, multiple sets of curious eyes beginning to prod at your figure.

With a frantic nod, you superficially smiled, exhaling a laugh from your nose in hope the breathy chuckle would convince your peers otherwise. "Yeah," you said, cocking your head forward with a light scoff, as if you hadn't been staring in the first place. "Why wouldn't I be?"

Half-faltering her concerned facade, Ashido smiled brightly, eyes sparkling and teeth showing as she shook her head. "Oh, never mind," she said, swiping a hand gently at the air. She absentmindedly brought her hands back to her lap, the conservation that always shot through the room with no problem carried on as if Ashido's interruption never occurred. It was almost seamless, the way Kaminari immediately began his reel of cheesy hero jokes and finished his serving of breakfast.

Ignoring the droning conversation while poking at your messily prodded omurice, you couldn't help but shiver at the tingling feeling of eyes lingering on your body. It was slightly uncomfortable but left a warm sensation crawling through you as its mysterious remnants. 

Your curiosity got the best of you—as did your uncomfortability and nervous squirming—your head beginning to search for fleeting eyes in short-lasting glances as you feverishly looked for those who deadpanned on your form.