New to This || Sebastian Stan x Reader

the off-limits

april
post-production

It had started to rain as he walked to your apartment, perfect droplets in the shining dampness of his brown hair. You opened the door and he just stood there for a moment, watching you. His gaze followed the shape of your nose then found your mouth before they flickered back to your eyes. 

Smiling with his chin dimpled, lips scrunched to the side as the thought, his breath had been heavy as he passed you, arms brushed as he looked around.

"Not bad."

"We can't all afford what you have." You'd reminded him but he'd shrugged it off with a blush.

"Tour?" Sebastian had asked once he'd finished your pizza. You were getting tired from the fact you'd stopped drinking. Lids heavy as you sat together, happy to have him with you. To smell the rain on him, a damp musk as you laughed at nothing, watching him through drunken eyes. 

"Sure."

"Well, that's that." You'd said as you turned in your bedroom, watching him as he scanned the room with his arms folded and leaning against the frame of your door. Almost scared to follow you inside.

"It's really nice, Y/N. Honestly. Just need to unpack and it'll be a proper home." He'd said.

"Well, I might not be able to afford it if I don't get another job."

"Hey, hey." Sebastian had stepped into your room then, hands grasping at your elbows, thumbs stroking your arms as he searched for your eyes. "There'll be something, you'll get something. There is always something. Okay?"

One of his plams rested on your face now as you look up at him with a nod. Smiling under his touch. You don't notice your breathing quicken, short and fast as if you'd just walked up the stairs.

His was the other way, you think he's holding his breath as he swallows at the nothingness in his mouth. Licking at lips that have dried, leaving them wet and pink as you watch.

"I, uh..."

He pulls you into a hug and you lose all sense of being, the air you'd salvaged in your panic lost as his chest is warm against you. 

Off-limits.

"I should go." He says but your hand grazes the side of his arm and finds his fingers.

"You should leave her." You say but you'll blame the alcohol later on but know that you mean it.

"Off-limits." It's barely a whisper as you move closer to him, pulling him into you.

"Just. Listen."

"I shouldn't be here." Sebastian panics, so you loosen your grip around his fingers but his hand stays holding yours. Actions contradicting his words as his crotch is almost touching your thigh, his other arm hovering at your side. 

"But you are."

"She didn't want me to come here. And I think she was right." You're reminded of the world outside as he speaks, the city beyond your windows. Locked out as you enjoyed the last slices of pizza and final ounces of spirits. 

"Seb..." It's all you can manage, looking into eyes that speak for him. The blue almost hidden by black as his gaze locks with yours.  

"Every time I see you, I want to kiss you. But I can't." There's an anger in his voice when he talks, it's gruff and it shakes and his grip tightens around your palm. 

It's you that kisses him. Fingers curling around his ear as you pull him towards your mouth, the room and the city falling away as you lose yourself to his lips. They're not soft like before. They're chapped from the cold, wet from his nerves. 

When he pulls away, you can breathe again until you see his eyes are still closed. The wince you'd seen when he'd said those words to her. 

"I should go." He says, turning without looking at you. 

"To her? To the woman who questions your every move?" You follow him as he heads to the front door, unhooking your chain and opening it without even a glance behind him. 

"Off-limits." It's almost a spit as he speaks through gritted teeth. "And no, just... Home."

"Fuck off-limits, Seb." You manage to grab at the crease of his elbow, fingers tugging at his jacket. Weak and drunk. "Tell me you love her and I'll never talk about it again."

"I do." Sebastian snatches his arm away from you, brushing away your touch. 

"No, I want to hear you say it!" You're shouting and your voice echoes. "Tell me you love her. Tell me. Seb, just fucking say it and I'll leave you alone."

"I'm going now."

He heads down the hall, passing the doors of others who live in identical apartments. 

"Coward!" You shout after him and he stops. "You're a coward. You know that? You're only stuck on that path because you're too scared to turn back!" 

"Please, Y/N. I don't want to argue with you. Just..." He stands there beneath the weak orange glow of a bulb above him, face shadowed in a way that reminded you of watching him fall asleep on your screen. "Just go to bed."

"I can't keep doing this, Seb! I can't." 

"Stop shouting." He steps closer, closing the space between you. "Look, you're drunk. It's -

"Can you keep it down out there!" Someone shouts through the wood of their door, words muffled as they watch through their peephole. 

"Sorry! Sorry." Sebastian rushes towards you now, hand soft against your arms as he guides you back into your apartment. "You're drunk. Look, I'm sorry. Just, let's get you to bed." 

You're not quite sure why it happens. It just does. You're tucked under the covers, the tips of your toes peeking out beneath the sheets towards the bottom of the bed as you watch him climb onto the mattress next to you. The quilt is heavy with him on it and you both stare towards the ceiling. Streetlights stream yellow lines across the white and it dances with the rain when fingers tickle your palm as they reach to interlace with yours, thumb tracing circles on your skin. 

He turns to face you first, still holding your hand as he watches you. When you roll to your side, your breaths are warm and damp against each other. It smells sweet, a mix of dough and alcohol. His other thumb brushes away thin strands of your hair away from your mouth, stroking at your lips as he bites at his own. 

You could have him now. 

You could. The hunger is in his eyes again and you know he wouldn't say no this time. He wouldn't walk away. He'd be inside you in seconds if you wanted. And you did, but there was guilt in your stomach. A pang of pity for the woman he'd left at home, alone in their bed. Their. This was yours and it would annoy him when you didn't make it in the morning if the sheets weren't perfectly straight at the sides. 

"I am a coward." He whispers, mouth scarily close to yours now, his face a blur as you stare into the blue of his gaze. "But I'm not a cheat." 

"I know." You say, turning away from him. Listening to the heaviness in his breaths. 

"I really am sorry." 

You squeeze his hand but can't manage any words, letting him know he can stay but you don't have a reply. Not one you'd want to say anyway. 

You fall asleep together as if it's how things should be. 

But it's not.