New to This || Sebastian Stan x Reader

the aftermath

september
post-production

You're in your room now, tidying to get rid of any hints of a night best forgotten. Sebastian had gotten rid of the incriminating clutter last night so it was mostly empty bottles, clumps of tobacco and some broken glass.

You're both silent now and you catch him watching you sometimes, flashing a smile of pity with pursed lips and an almost frown.

"What?" You say, knowing there are words on the edge of his tongue but he can't figure out a way to say them.

"What?"

"I know you want to say something. Just say it." You want to sit but you stay standing, bin bag shaking in your hand as you wait to hear what he has to say.

Yesterday when he'd come to try and talk to you before wrap he'd warned you about Mateo.

"Well, it's just... I'm not sure he has the best intentions..." Sebastian had said as you lingered by your chairs, getting ready for the final scene.

"And you did?" You couldn't help but get angry at him, clenching your jaw to keep your voice low so the cast and crew didn't hear you.

"That's not what I'm saying."

"What are you saying? Because to me, it sounds like you're saying you don't want me but no one else is allowed me either." That was the last time you'd spoken until he was called to your room as you bled from your nose. You'd managed to avoid him at the party, as much as he'd tried to get near you.

You feel bad now, looking at the mess around you and knowing he was right in what he'd said yesterday.

"Look..." He steps towards you, hands open as they reach for your arms. "I want to apologise, for everything. It was, uh, it wasn't how it was supposed to play out."

"Okay." You say, too tired to say anything else.

"Just because we're not Hannah and Billy anymore it, uh, well it doesn't mean we can't be. Right? Friends, I mean." His fingers stroke against your arms.

"Yeah."

"Y/N, are you going to say something?"

"I am."

"No, you're just agreeing. Like you did last night." His arms fall to his side now and he's angry. Brows furrowed and teeth clenched between his statements. "Like you did with me, I suppose."

"No, I wanted that."

"No, you wanted Billy."

"What's the difference?!" You snap now, waving the bag and it almost whips. "What's the actual fucking difference, Seb. What, could you not bear to think about fucking me unless I was Hannah?"

"What? No. You know it's not that. It was just meant to be some fun but... last night, you got hurt. And it's my fault."

"Look whatever I said to you, I was off my face."

"Exactly, off your face! That's not you. Look at you." He's calmer as he steps closer.

You can't hate him. You doubt you ever could. Every time you look at him now you're reminded of the worry in his face when he found you, the way he whispered as he washed you. The way he'd put the towel on the radiator so it was warm for when you'd finished. Or how you had your head on his lap as he ran fingers through your hair to help you sleep even though your head was pounding and your body ached. His voice echoes in your ears even though he's not saying anything, telling you it's going to be okay. And you believed him.

Until you woke up. Sober and rough, reminded of everything that had happened.

"I'm sorry." You say. "I did say no."

"What?"

"To Mateo and Daisy. I did say no. I said I didn't want to do it."

His hands reach for your arms as he turns you to face him. He looks angry, eyebrows stern and the blue beneath them brewing a storm as his jaw tightens.

"What?"

"I said no." You shrug.

"What happened?"

"I stopped saying no." He lets go of you and his face is consumed by sadness, mouth open as if he wants to say something but doesn't know what. "After they asked like ten times." 

You sit now, dropping the bin bag as you feel heavy all of a sudden. 

"I fucking hate them." He says, crouching in front of you, tucking loose strands of your hair behind your ears, hands cupping the sides of your face. "I'm sorry."

"Stop apologising."

"No, if we hadn't, if I hadn't done what I did then maybe last night wouldn't have happened."

His fingers stretched across your jaw as he looks at you. You think he's going to kiss you, but he doesn't. You can feel his breath warm against your face and it's nice, soothing as you want to sleep again. 

"Are we okay?" It's you that talks now and your eyes meet. You feel his thumb stroke against your cheek.

"We're okay." Warm blowing against your hair as his breath stutters. "Right?" 

"Yeah." You nod and his stubble tickles at your skin. "Thanks, Seb. Thank you, uh, for all this. For helping." 

When he kisses your forehead, his lips are wet just above your brow like cement for the words that are about to come out of his mouth. 

"What are friends for?"