New to This || Sebastian Stan x Reader

the balcony

september
post-production

You'd run after him, not fast enough to catch up though. Mateo and Daisy had been outside smoking, obviously. The balcony wasn't meant to be used, perfectly laminated signs stuck to the glass. No access. Which apparently didn't apply to them.

"I need you to leave," Sebastian spoke through gritted teeth when he got to the door, holding it open so Daisy could duck under his arms and go.

She stands behind you now, cigarette hanging on her bottom lip.

"Stay there," Sebastian says to you as he pulls the door closed behind him.

Mateo still sucks at the last drags of his cigarette, waving at the cloud of smoke so he could see Sebastian through the grey. You can't really hear them over the mumbles of people behind you as they drink champagne and share food.

Sebastian is close to Mateo now and you're scared for him, lingering at the door in case you need to intervene. Watching his face twisting in anger and point back towards you.

"What's going on?" Daisy asks as she comes to stand next you but you don't answer, too busy trying to listen.

"I didn't say anything about any photos, man," Mateo says, you think. Hands shaking as he pulls his phone out of his pocket. "Honestly. I told Kalina that I saw you two a couple of nights, that's it though. I wouldn't take photos. Fuck man."

Their both staring down at his screen now, blocking your view from what they're seeing. You think it's his camera roll, a blur of colours as he scrolls.

Sebastian stares at Mateo, pausing as if he's coming to some sort of realisation. The four of you silent as the party goes on behind you.

"Sorry." You hear him mumble as he opens the door, grabbing his own phone. Eyes too busy to look up.

"What the fuck was that about?" You hear Daisy shout, joining her friend on the balcony again as you spin to chase after Sebastian.

Your arms graze as you catch up to him, back in the corridor you'd just left.

"Seb, what happened?"

"Wasn't Mateo. He, uh, fuck. Hold on." His fingers are busy on his screen, eyes stern as he concentrates. Glancing up to check if it's clear every so often. "Four fucking months. I just..."

"Seb, what's going on?" You're almost jogging to stay by his side, his strides long and echoing around you.

"Can you, just... hold on." He puts his phone to his ear quickly. "Hello" Sebastian turns towards you, eyes meeting for a moment. The blue is almost thunderous. "I'll speak to you in a bit, okay?"

You nod and he goes.

"We need to fucking talk." You see him tug at his tie as he walks, feet kicking at nothing.

His voice almost bouncing off the walls as you watch him go.

Again.

When you get to your room it's late and empty. The lights still on from earlier. You want to collapse into the sofa even though it's hard and uncomfortable, the cushions barely moving when you sit on it. But, you want to keep your mind busy. Tidying the mess around you, scattered shoes and stray bottle caps. 

You make the bed, wiping at the creases and plumping the pillows even though you'll be in it soon enough. 

There's a knock at the door and you sigh, mumbling to yourself. 

When you open it, it's Sebastian. Flustered. Face red and his hair almost looks wet, a messy parting in the middle as he just stands there. 

"Sorry." He says. "I got your room number from Sam. I hope that's okay." 

"Sure, that's fine, come in." 

He does, almost pacing as you close the door. You see his phone gripped in one of his hands, wondering if he's been on it since you saw him earlier. 

"You okay?" You ask and he nods but doesn't say anything. Looking at you as he catches his breath. 

"Yeah, so, um..." He scratches at his neck, the tips of his fingers dragging against his skin. "I'm, well, I left Kalina. So, that's a thing. And I..." His hand finds his hair now, pulling at the strands as he tidies his parting. "I just want to say I'm so sorry. For everything."  It's the way he almost swallows his lips that gets you. Every single time. Holding them between his teeth as he waits for you to say something, wrinkles between his brows as he stares. 

"Seb, it wasn't your fault." You say, walking to him. Hand resting on his arm and he looks at it with a smile, face softening slightly. He still clenches his jaw as if he wanted to say something but stops himself. 

You pull him into a hug and his arms are across your back in an instant, squeezing you tight. As close as he could have you. You didn't even notice that you were cold until you felt his warmth against you, cheek resting against his as he ducks slightly to hold you. He smells like smoke and sweat, his aftershave faded hours ago. 

And he's so warm. Goosebumps on your arm as you want to tuck them between the two of you again, letting him hold you as you feel the stubble tickles your neck. 

His breaths almost echoing in your ears as you feel his chest move against your breasts. Long and calm now. 

"I'm sorry." He whispers through your hair and almost sends shivers through your body, suddenly forgetting to breathe. 

Just for a moment. Just enough for your sigh to be loud in his ear when you remember you need air and his arms tighten around you before they move towards your shoulders. Then they cup your face. And your chest hurts, tightening as a reminder to keep breathing. The tips of his fingers curling at the back of your head, tickling at the nape of your neck as he pulls back to look at you. 

And his eyes. The deepest of blues. That hunger in them. The look you know too well as his jaw clenches again before he lets his mouth click open. His tongue licking at his lips as he looks at yours. He lets one of his hands brush down towards the small of your back, holding you in place as if you'd try to move. 

Your palms suddenly damp as they rest against his shirt, fingers tickling at the skin you can't touch. 

When he ducks his head towards you, eyes not closing so he can look at you for as long as possible you know you should pull away. You know it's not right. And you're the coward this time. 

It's a loud bang that forces you apart, eyes shooting at the door as there's shuffling behind it. You shut your eyes tight, stepping away from Sebastian and wiping your hands at your dress. He looks at you as the door opens but can't meet his gaze. It's your turn to drag your lips into your mouth. Wanting to laugh at it all. 

The stupidity. 

The bad timing and worse decisions. 

"Hey." He says, feet heavy and noisy on the floor as you watch him come inside. 

"Patrick," Sebastian says and you're not sure whether it's a statement or a greeting, but there's a smile on his face. As if he wants to laugh at it all as well. 

"Sebastian Stan." Patrick scoffs, holding out a hand before changing his mind. "I mean, should I be worried you're in her room, or?" 

"I was just leaving actually," Sebastian says. 

You stand there, frozen to the spot as you watch him leave. He slows down by the door, eyes meeting yours as he pulls it closed behind him. 

And it's almost like it's four months ago again.

Except you see the pain in his eyes this time.

And it hurts.