i knew why i texted gus. i had a precise reason actually. i wouldn't tell him, it would seem really bad but i was honestly just broke. i dropped out of school to be with him and i couldn't get a job back home. if drained my savings on my basic expenses and my gus-induced cocaine addiction. i knew he wanted me back and i knew he had money to spare. my better option was to buy a plane ticket to la with what was left of my money with a few dollars to spare.
i forgot how expensive life could get when i just had gus taking care of me, he was paying bills before i even knew they existed. the god damn man got me hooked on coke, i couldn't stop and i didn't want to stop. i liked how it made me feel and it helped me forget the sorrows of my life and my ex relationship. i'd fallen out of love with gus and into love with the little white lines.
after texting him it definitely appeared he was over his little sad and still simping breakup phase. i didn't really care either way, i knew he'd have me back and the more he seems reluctant the more "work" i have to put in, which definitely doesn't make it seem like i just need money right?
i felt a little bad about it but i was desperate. and he should feel bad for cheating on me. layla had seemed to drop off the face off the planet. i hadn't seen anything on her social media since gus and i's breakup. it wasn't a super public breakup, neither of us had confirmed it so there was a good chance that fans and distant friends had no idea we had split.
i honestly have no idea what will happen when i see gus again. id lost feelings, he cheated on me. how do you just get back with someone after this? after the hurt had faded a little i quickly fell out of love when i realized he wasn't shit. i don't think i could be in a real proper relationship with him again, especially not anytime soon. it had only been eight months.
i looked a little rough, i had a feeling gus would know something was up. my hair was grown out badly, i haven't had the money for acrylics either. i'd lost weight and my face just looked tired and unhealthy. it had sunken in a little. i guess i could just say i was tired, or this was what the break up did to me. definitely not a crippling addiction and being broke.
looking back, i missed the happy times with gus. like before we had met officially and basically everything leading up to him cheating. i used to love him and we had a lot of fun together. i don't reckon it'll ever be the same. even if it could be, i'm not sure if i would want it to be? i have no idea how i feel honestly.
i was scared and nervous. to see him again and to have to conceal my true reasoning. he couldn't find out. i wasn't gonna stay more than a week, unless he invited me to or for some miraculous reason we end up together again. it was monday night so i only really had one full day to get ready for the flight and trip to los angles.
i was also kinda excited to see tracy and the other guys again. we spoke a few times fresh after the breakup but not since. they probably took gus' side anyways. i was the crazy bitch who ran away and those are his best friends. i wanted to be cool with them again so hopefully they could find it in their hearts to forgive me.
i was starting to scare myself, the more i thought about gus and all the little details of our relationship the more i accidentally sounded like i wanted to be together again. i was just being crazy though. i don't miss him. i don't. i just need him for a purpose right now.
i figured i'd get my bags and start packing. i had no clue what shitshow was coming my way so better be ready for anything.
