The Fault In Our Stars - A Sen Cal Kapimi Fanfic

18||S E R K A N

"Is she alright?" She asked breaking me out of my trance. Like I had suspected earlier, she already had her answer. In her mind, Eda was her mother. She knew, I couldn't deny it even if I wanted to anymore.

"N...Ne?" I muttered as I tried to wrap my head around the recent developments. She was expressing her concerns about the woman who hadn't been in her life for half a decade. The woman who hadn't been there for her birthdays, the woman who hadn't been there during school visits- that woman, and my heart couldn't take that pain. Kiraz was so pure, so innocent, it made me want to hold onto her and never let go, praying that some of that innocence would rub off on me as well.

"Annem has been alone for a long time, she didn't have us with her, that's why she is so sad, no? How is she?" the little girl said all too suddenly. I couldn't believe what my ears were hearing. I didn't know how to respond.

"I...I didn't ask her," I confessed as I stroked the hair on her small head. I hadn't thought about that until Kiraz had brought it up, she still wore the ring around her neck, does that mean that she had been alone the entire time? She hadn't left us for another man? 

"Are you angry at annem?" She asked again, not giving up with her interrogation, and I couldn't bring myself to ask her to stop. Every time she'd asked questions about her mother, I'd stall, tell her that I'd tell her later but never really get to it, but now that she'd actually seen her in the flesh, I couldn't put out her curiosity for much longer.

"I...I don't know Kiraz,"

"She was crying baba, before I could tell her that we'd protect her, you asked me to go to my room," I felt my eyes grow damp as I turned my head away, she couldn't see me cry. "I feel sad," she muttered almost inaudibly.

"Aren't you mad at her for not being here with us?" I whispered, trying hard not to cry in the process. She was silent for a minute, as if considering what I'd just said.

"I was a little sad that I didn't have my annem," she admitted as she touched my arm with her fingers. "But that was before she came back,"

"She's back now baba, we can take care of her now," she smiled and that was the end of the line for me. Before I knew it, the tears I'd kept at bay for five years gushed down my face silently. How could I tell her that I'd sent her mother away?

"Kiraz I-"

"You're angry at annem for not being with us," it wasn't a question. "You're sad too," she whispered again as her tiny hands made their way to my face, wiping the tears away but that gesture of hers only made me cry even harder. "Annem doesn't have anyone to wipe her tears," she stated a second later while she got up from the bed to stand besides me.

"Kiraz, wait up darling please," I called out after the running girl who made her way to the living room.

"Where is she?" she whispered as she frantically turned her head around, "Did you not call her inside?" she asked again and before I could answer, she rushed to the front door, standing on her toes to open it.

"Kiraz I-" before I could finish, I was met by the sight of a sobbing Eda on the floor of the entrance, who hurriedly swept aside the tears unsuccessfully when she saw Kiraz at the door. At that moment, I thanked the angels above that she was still there, because I wouldn't have had it in me to tell Kiraz that I'd sent her annem away.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cause any trouble" she spoke quickly as she got up, "I'll leave now," she whispered, turning around. I hesitated for a minute, debating on what I should do next.

"Annem are you leaving again?" I studied Eda's face as she turned around slowly, realising that she had been recognised. I could tell that Kiraz calling her her her annem did something to her. Her eyes softened and for a minute, her face seemed to relax, giving me an impression that it had been forcefully masked all along, up until that very moment. I didn't know what to do, things were happening way too fast and I was not sure that I could control them.