All I Want (Capture Series 1)

Twenty

"Let's go?" Theo said sweetly after packing up his things.

I smiled then nodded at him. Nagpaalam na rin ang iba nilang kasamahan. Millane got all our things pero agad lumapit sa kaniya si Rex para tulungan siya. Tahimik lang akong sumunod kay Theo papuntang sasakyan niya.

"Ingat kayo." Collins said.

"Ingat din, bro." Theo replied.

"Fighting." Rex said with a pumped up fist.

Kumaway na lang ako at pumasok na sa loob ng sasakyan nang pagbuksan ako ni Theo. Madilim na ang paligid nang maka-alis kami sa village nila Collins. Theo held my left hand while driving. Suddenly, memory of Kai holding my hand while he's driving too flashed in my mind. Agad kong binawi ang kamay ko from him. Natauhan lang ako nang makita ko ang nakakunot na noo ni Theo.

You are with Theo, Oli. Not Kai. Wake up!

"I'm sorry. You're not comfortable?" Theo asked.

"Ah.. Ahm... M-Malamig. Hinaan ko lang yung aircon." palusot ko at inabot ang aircon.

Humalukipkip ako at tumingin sa labas pagkatapos. Corrin's words kept on going on inside my mind. Paulit-ulit ang pagpapamukha niya sa akin na malungkot ang buhay ko. Malungkot ako kaya kumakapit ako sa kung sino ang nasa tabi ko. Was that true? Was that really me? Yes, mahal ko si Theo. Alam ko iyon but what if I am giving him the love that he does not deserve? What if nga hindi nawala si Kai bigla? Will I see him before the way I see him now? Or what if ibang tao ang nasa tabi ko noong mga araw na nalulungkot ako dahil kay Kai? Will I love that person too just because he's the one present?

If presence is the foundation of your relationship, then I don't think it is love.

I closed my eyes so hard. Gusto kong umiyak. Am I really that unfair? Am I really using Theo? What did you do to me Corrin?

Nang makarating sa bahay ay nagpasalamat na si Millane at nauna nang pumasok sa loob. Pinagbuksan ako ni Theo ng pintuan. Dumiretso ako sa harap ng gate nang tahimik. I stopped one step away from the gate. Nilingon ko si Theo at nakitang nakatingin lang siya sa akin habang nakatayo pa rin sa tabi ng hood ng sasakyan niya, on the shotgun side. His eyes softened. He opened his arms, welcoming me for a hug. I bit my lower lip as I walked back to him to embrace him. He immediately caressed my hair.

"Love, I am here. What's wrong?" he asked.

Tears started to fall again. I tried so hard not to sniff so he won't know I am crying.

"I love you." I said.

He tried to pull away but I hugged him tighter. Binalik niya ang hawak niya sa buhok at likod ko.

"Do you know that?" I asked. "Can you feel it?"

Tell me you know that I love you, Theo. Tell me you can feel it.

"To the bone." he answered.

I felt like a tiny toothpick had been lifted up from my heart, from a sea of thousands of knives. Hearing his words did not help at all. I closed my eyes.

"If you ever felt that I am being unfair to you, I am so sorry. Mahal kita."

I love this person so much. It kills me inside thinking that I am really being unfair to him. Thinking that maybe I really do love him but in a wrong way. I hugged him so tight like I am clinging to my last hope that I am giving him what he really deserves.

"You're making me worry. Can you please tell me what's wrong? May nangyari ba sa bahay nila Collins kanina while I was busy?" he asked worriedly. "Love, talk to me. Please."