When the morning comes

51 | paintings

Aurora didn't answer, her eyes stood full of determination, though a spot of guilt was present too.

It dawned upon me only a few quiet minutes later. "What did you do?"

Aurora played with our wedding ring.

"What is this? Talk to me. Just talk to me!" My voice was shaky, full of emotions. Uncertainty.

"I didn't want it, Zev. I didn't want that surgery." Aurora tried to move closer to me, but I stood up from the couch, took a step back. "Zev." Her voice was full of hurt. "Come here."

"What surgery? What is this? Why haven't I heard of this all?"

"Because I didn't tell you."

"Why not?!" Emotions started raging inside of me. "When did this happen?"

"Two months ago."

My eyes flew over the words again, but this time they stung deeply into my heart. "You denied a surgery where they could remove the parts where this misery all started? And without telling me? Deciding it without me?"

"Zev, please, just hear me out."

The rhythm of my heart started to pick up, my body began to tremble lightly. My mind was blank, but at the same time overflowing. I couldn't understand my own wife.

"No, I don't know." Tears pricked behind my eyes, I took another step back when she tried to reach for me with her hand. "I don't know if I want to hear this. I cannot believe this. Aurora, what in Heavens name have you done?" I had choked out, repeatedly started shaking my head.

"Hear me out!" She cursed in Italian, with the pain displaying in her eyes.

"Fine, explain it to me!"

"That surgery would have removed my uterus, Zev."

"That surgery would have removed a huge part of that cursed disease!"

"Zev!" Aurora's voice was heavily loaded with hurt. "Listen to me, please." She panted by the effort of talking. "Don't you understand? The surgery is an immense amount of effort. The healing of the wounds which the surgery would leave behind would cost all of my efforts, and I need them for other things. And then we're not even talking about the pain it will give me. It will be so painful. And for what? Two more days to live, only then they would be lived in misery? And it all being removed? My ovaries. My uterus, Zev. My uterus. Where a baby grows. It meant I could have never, ever have children again. Do you know how much that hurts?"

"We have Benjamin!" My voice was shrill, loud. "Isn't he enough?!"

"He's everything to me and you know that." Aurora's voice was hoarse, her tears streamed down heavily. "But having my uterus removed.."

"It could have healed you! It could have made you stay here with us so much more longer, it could have controlled the cancer.." I slouched down onto one of the chairs, pressing my hands against my forehead.

"It could not." Aurora defended. "The cancer is everywhere. Everywhere. My uterus or ovaries wouldn't have made any differences and you know that." Her voice was loud, too. Sharp by pain.

"It was where it all began!"

"It would have not made a huge difference!"

"Then what did it matter?!"

"What does it matter to you?" She defended back.

"Aurora, you made a life changing decision without me. Do you know how painful that is?"

Aurora's crying became more intense. "I know that, and I'm sorry. It just seemed for the best."

"We had Benjamin.." I tried again. "Wasn't he enough?"