𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝒅𝒂𝒚 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒕𝒐𝒍𝒅 𝒎𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒅𝒊𝒆

The day you told me you wanted to die (3)

Jealousy had always been a thing for Bennett.

It was probably just because he was insecure, always had been.
It was either about not doing things good enough, not being good enough or other people not liking him enough.

He had always been scared to be replaced - and every time one of his friends seemed slightly off, he convinced himself they hated him.

Especially people that were important to him.

"Do you like her more than me now?", he asked himself at school a few days later, watching Razor joke around with one of their classmates.

Bennett knew it was stupid, it really was.
But he could never shake the feeling of not being good enough for Razor, in any way.

There were other types of jealousy too.
Razor had often told him how insecure he was and how he felt like people hated him - basically the same as Bennett was feeling.
And he understood, he did, how your mind could make you feel like that.

But he had still shook his head because it was absurd, because Razor was a person born to be adored.

Just to watch him now was enough to notice how he had their classmate wrapped around his finger.
Bennett had always envyed how Razor could make friends so quickly and the way people cherished him.

And it was so understandable, because Bennett was one of these people too.

Razor looked so small and soft, making Bennett want to pull him in and adore him in all kind of ways possible.

How could he look so pretty just standing there?

Bennett had always found Razor beautiful but sometimes it just struck him with an incredible force.

Razor didn't even have to do anything, the feeling just came out of nowwhere.

And Bennett could just stare, one sentence in his mind, over and over again.
"This is the kind of person you fall in love with."

A person so wonderful they felt unreachable, but Razor was right next to him.
Bennett could only pray for him to stay there.

He had always been afraid of losing Razor, being replaced, the other losing interest or anything.

But right now the only thing he wanted for him was to be alive and happy - and would have gladly selled their relationship for it, just to see the other smile.

The thought of being without Razor killed everything inside him, but if he would be able to ensure Razor was fine, he'd do it without a doubt.

Sadly, the world didn't work like that.

Finally Razor turned around to him and gave him a smile.

Bennett's hand automatically went to his wrist to make sure the small bracelet Razor had gifted him last christmas was still there.

He had always liked it but since that one day Bennett had been wearing it almost religiously - maybe because he had convinced himself that Razor would stay alive as long as he wore it around his wrist.

Bennett knew it was unlogical but it was a comforting thought.
As if he held Razor's life in his hands - even if it rather was the other way around.

Razor sat down next to him and laughed, a sound so sweet it splittered Bennett's heart.
Why, why, why.

"Come on.", Bennett thought desperately."Your story can't be over yet."

Razor smiled at him again and Bennett wished he could just grab Razor's shoulders and scream at him, yell that he'd get better and everything would be normal again.

Instead he just smiled back.