// Childe x Zhongli Short Oneshots // Genshin Impact

{JOKE: Seggs, Literally.}

⚠️ Quick warning, this joke oneshot contains the following:

Purposely Bad grammar, stupid logic, holy gayness (duh), eggs and seggs, unmatched personalities with the characters.

If you are not the type to like incredibly sexual jokes, then I suggest you skip this one.
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ChiLi were walking outside in Liyue for no reason when they saw a bunch of Hilichurls doing a wishing ritual.

Of course, Ajax Sheeran wanted to show off in front of his crushie, Zhong Dong.

'Hey gorlie, check this out~' Childe said as he runs up to the Hilichurls,

'Hey Bitchychurls!' Childe exclaimed, the Hilichurls turned their head around without moving their neck or body, demonic style,

'IM ABOUT TO SHOW YOU WHAT LIKE TO CALL, CHING.CHENG.HAN.JI' He screamed at the top of his lungs, as he slays the monsters by one slash of his hydro blade,

Zhongli made the OwO face, Childe knows Zhongli is impressed if he made the OwO face (????),

'Omg you are so hot, uwu' Zhongli uwus while Childe T-poses to flex.

'Hey Bebe, do you work at Subway? Cuz you're giving me a foot-long ᕙ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ᕗ' Childe says and Zhongli looks away, blushing,

'Lets fuck :))))))' Childe said,

'E W, no, u r disgustang :(((((' Zhongli crosses his arms,

'Fuck you man >:(' Childe frowns,

'What?'

' I mean I'm gonna uhhhhhhhhhh  fuck you anyways...yeah >:))))))'

'Nuuu :( That's illegal'

'Its not if you like it, ;) I love Chu and I know u love me, pls, Zhongli? QwQ' Childe said,

'Fine.. only one night..'

'Yay we can fuck the whole night!! ✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧'

'What- no- That's not what I meant-'

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Next day... Childe was walking around the harbor, tryna bully some people cuz why not, when.. Aether appears.

'Oioioioioi Tar-Tar-Taglia lover of Geo Archon, there was a Paimon that got eaten by Xiangling oioioioioi'

'Wtf you want cumrat' Childe glared at Aether,

'Zhongli got something to say to you, go back home.'

'Oki then. Sus'

Back at the house, it was empty.

'Hey there lover boi ;)' Zhongli came out of no where,

'Hey there seg c, wanna fuck?'

'Not now, now come with me.' Zhongli brings Childe to their bedroom.

There was something on their bed, it was an egg.

'Oh my gahhhhhhhhhhh'

'You got me preggers, and this morning I laid an egg >:('

'I'm a father now ( ╹▽╹ )'

'Yes... Honestly I thought you would explode out of fear.' Zhongli said,

Just then... The egg started to crack.

'What the fuck???' Childe's eyes widen,

And then a baby girl popped out,

'Holy shit it's a girl??! How???' Childe exclaimed,

'Shut it white ass mf, she's our daughter.' >:(

'Well... What's her name?'

'Your name... (*˘︶˘*).｡*♡'

'Wait... As in y/n?? Wouldn't that be breaking the fourth wall?????'

'Nah fuck that' Zhongli rolls his eyes,

'The only thing getting fucked is you ;)'

'No... Not now... Not in front of our child.... CHILDE-'

And that's how y/n learned about sex at a young age.

Y/n grew up to hate her father, Ajax Sheeran, becuz he was a certified dickhead and horny 24/7. She could often hear Zhongli's moans coming from the bedroom -_-

The End ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

No outro today ppl, stay Safe Shippers <3

(Jeez I hope I'm not the only one that found this funny..)