𝚑𝚞𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚜 𝚗𝚘𝚗𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚜𝚎 𝚟𝚒𝚒𝚒

How To Avoid Questions Part I

You're probably wondering and asking, dying to know when and how to avoid questions. Well-

oH mY God, iS tHaT a bRiTiSh bEaR? *points to the middle of nowhere* *you get sucked into a black hole* That's when, and that's how.

In case you didn't catch on, here's a whole guide on how to avoid questionnaires and their evil questions.

1. Pretend to be deaf.

Act as if you didn't hear what was just said and ask them to repeat themselves. Repeat this process until they eventually grow tired of the constant repetition of their own words and eventually leave to accomplish something worthy of their time.

Example 1a:

Someone, let's say a friend: dO yOu LiKe sOmEoNe?

Me: What was that? *lifts brow up in confusion* Yes, I'm a Swiftie if that's what you were asking.

Friend: That's not the question.

Me: Then what?

Friend: iF yOu LiKe sOmEoNe

Me: no hablo ingles.

Friend: *facepalm* Te estoy preguntado que se te gusta-

Me: What's with the spanish? *gasp* Are you hALLuCiNaTiNg?

Friend: No I'm not- you just said- and I- *frustration* * screams* All of this isn't worth my while. Bye~

Here's another example, and it involves Derren *everyone say 'yay' please*

Friend: Do you know where Derren is?

Me: The deer? He's in Audrey's backyard.

Friend: I said Deeren- I mean Derren. I'm not asking about no damn deer.

Me: Ed Sheeran? I didn't know you listened to Ed Sheeran.

Friend: I don't. I'm asking about Derren. Where the furry cat is Derren?

Me: I told you, the deer is in the backyard. By the way, how are you not familiar with an Ed Sheeran song. Do you even know who Ed Sheeran is? I mean, if you're a Swiftie like me it's kind of mandatory. 'Everything Has Changed' is one of my favorites from the RED album, and 'End Game' from reputation is a bop! Ofcourse, Ed himself has a couple good songs too.

Friend: *furiously slams door and exits*

2. Ramble on about something unrelated to the question.

Example 2a:

Friend: dO yOu LiKe sOmEoNe?

Me: What was that? Yes, I'm a Swiftie, have been for the longest time. Shouldn't you know that by now?

Friend: That's not what I asked.

Me: The first time I ever heard a Taylor Swift song was when I was 6 and We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together but I didn't become a fan until I Knew You Were Trouble. I didn't become a hardcore Swiftie until 1989 era though. Since my house didn't have internet at the time, I listened to her music by renting her cd's from the library or when I'd visit my other grandmother who had internet and I'd watch her music videos on YouTube. In 2017 we finally got internet, which was reputation era-

Friend: Stop it please! I've heard enough! *internally screams in anger*

Example 2b:

Friend: Do you know where Derren is?