pray for me

guilt, yay (again)

The bedroom was dark when Gerard walked in, Frank was sitting by the window, watching the cars drive by. 

He was beautiful, to Gerard he always had been. The blue light from the moon lit his face up. 

Gerard didn't move from the door, he didn’t want this moment to end. To ever end. 

“You should get some sleep.” Frank said suddenly. 

“You should too.”

“I’m not working tomorrow.” Frank still didn’t look at him.

“Why not?” 

“Not important.”

Then there was silence. 

Gerard slid his pants off, crawling down under the covers, “You’re not getting into bed?” 

Frank still sat at the window, looking out. “I’m not tired.”

“Frankie, what’s wrong?” 

Silence.

Gerard crawled out of bed and climbed up on the window sill to sit with Frank. 

“Go to bed.” Frank told him. 

“Tell me what’s wrong.” Gerard shot back. 

“I-” Frank rested his head on the window, “I promised I’d always be there for you.” 

Gerard nodded, “And I wasn’t.” Frank admitted, gently touching Gerard’s lip.

“I wish you would’ve met me at a different time.” Gerard confessed, Frank looked confused. 

“You deserve to know a better version of me.” Gerard continued.

“The only version of you I want is the one you are,” Frank said, “I fell in love with you, and no matter what, I’ll still be head over heels and sappy and a gay little mess over you, no matter what; I’ll still love you. As long as you want a dog.”

“A dog?” Gerard giggled, “Yes.” said Frank. 

“Alright.” Gerard said, looking into his eyes, “When all of this is over, we’ll get a dog.”

Frank smiled at him, a genuine smile at the boy he loved.

“Let’s go to bed.” Frank said, to which Gerard giggled and said, “I’m not that kind of girl.” 

“Oh really?” Frank said, putting his arms around Gerard’s neck. 

There was a mix of ‘Please I Really Want This’ and ‘shit, shit, shit, shit, shit’ erupting in Gerard’s mind.

Frank smiled sadly, moving his arms away. Because Frank knew. Of course Frank knew Gerard so much better than Gerard knew himself.

Gerard sighed, “The worst thing is,” He started, Frank looked up at him.

“I never did anything to stop him.” Gerard whispered, “What do you mean?” Frank asked, he looked genuinely concerned. 

“I never said no, this is my fault. I didn’t stop him.” Gerard’s eyes were shiny, tear filled and miserable.

“That doesn’t mean you wanted it, nor deserved it.” Frank said. 

“Well maybe, but-” Gerard tried to defend himself but got cut off by Frank saying, “You couldn’t have stopped him.” 

“What?” Gerard asked.

“Do you not understand? Look at you. He did This because you told him to fuck off, can you imagine what he’d done if you told him to stop back then?” Frank asked, touching Gerard’s blue and black eye.

“We don't know that.” Gerard said, looking away

“I know that.”

“You’ve never met him.” Gerard argued. 

Frank took a deep breath, “I know things, plus I worked as a whore before we met.”

Gerard stared at him, waiting for the joke. But Frank was honest. 

“What?” Gerard asked, because that was all he could say.

“I sold sex for money, and therefore, I am familiar with the fact that, maybe, he could’ve hurt you even more, if you said no.” Frank said simply, Gerard’s eyes were even bigger than the moon, beautifully shining on them through the window.

“Oh- Man, we’re- we’re an interesting couple.” Gerard realized out loud, Frank broke out into laughter, that inappropriate laugh he always did when someone shouted at him.

Gerard laughed too, but it hurt, it hurt like Hell. 

“Are you okay?” Frank asked when he noticed Gerard’s pained expression, Gerard nodded halfheartedly, then pulled up his shirt to look at his stomach. 

There was a big, dark ugly bruise on his tummy, it looked especially bad in the light.

Frank kissed the bruise gently, then started littering kisses all over Gerard’s stomach, then arms, avoiding chest/neck moved up to his face, littering kisses all over. 

Gerard giggled, he felt all warm and fuzzy. Happy. That was the best way to describe it. 

Frank left one kiss on Gerard’s neck, which caused the black haired boy to press his bare thighs together. 

Man, Frank wanted to kiss his thighs.

Gerard noticed the stare, he sighed before he said, “Not tonight, please.”

Frank nodded, he jumped off the window sill and helped Gerard down carefully.

They crawled into bed together, holding each other close, sharing body heat.

“I love you.” Frank whispered, “I love you too.” Gerard whispered back.