Heart on the Rocks: Rebel Souls MC #4

Tank 0.03

"Are you okay?" I asked her.

Fuck. I'd just punched her in the face. It was an accident, but that didn't make the guilt any better.

All she did was stare at me with nothing but pity in her eyes. When I'd gone to Bender for advice, I'd told him about the nightmares. I didn't want Brenda to see me vulnerable. Bender had argued with me saying that the vulnerability in relationships was a good thing. Then he'd admitted that he used to have nightmares too. The difference was that sleeping next to Carrie had made his disappear. Apparently I was more fucked up than he was because sleeping next to Brenda hadn't gotten rid of mine.

"I'm fine," she said again for the third time.

"Let me look," I said. Brenda had said she was fine but she was still clutching the right side of her face where my fist had connected with her. When she pulled her hand away she tilted her head away from me and let me examine her. When I put my hand on her chin, she hissed in pain. "Fuck," I cursed lowly.

"I'm fine," she said again. "It was an accident. I will be fine."

It had been an accident and she would be okay this time. But what if it had been worse, what if I'd hit her harder. I was huge and she was so small, one good punch and I could seriously injure her.

She'd been right all along. This wasn't a good idea. I couldn't let her get close to me.

"Come on," I said. "Let's go get you some ice."

We dressed silently. I wanted so badly to look at her while she slid back into her clothes, to memorize every inch of her.

Because I could never let myself have her. Not after this.

When I had my jeans and cut back on, I put my boots on and waited for her to be done dressing. When she was, wordlessly, I opened the door and headed down the hall to the stairs. It was the middle of the day so everything was still pretty quiet. I reached the kitchen first and opened the freezer, pulling out an ice pack. Brenda had close to a dozen stashed in there for when the guys got into it or did something stupid. Wrapping it in a towel, I handed it to her. The area was already starting to bruise. It was going to be a nasty one.

"Thank you," she said smiling softly at me.

"I'll go grab you some Tylenol," I said.

"Tank," she said, grabbing my hand before I could make my escape. She wasn't going to let me walk away from this that easily. She was going to want to talk about it. But I didn't want to. If we talked about it I was going to have to tell her that this was over before it even started. I wanted to pretend, just for a little while longer that this could be something, that I wasn't so fucked up that I'd ruined the best thing I ever could have had before I even had it.

I looked down at her. Her beautiful hazel eyes had tears in them as she looked up at me. She attempted to blink them away, but that only forced them to fall. "Don't," she said.

"I have to," I told her. She already knew what was going to happen. What had to happen.

"It was an accident."

"One I can't risk happening again. If something ever happened to you because of me." I couldn't even get the choked words out.

"It won't," she said.

"You can't know that."

"None of us do," she said. "Rachel got kidnapped on Prez's watch. Hawk broke Charlie's heart and she broke his. Carrie and Bender's house was attacked. All of those bad things happened because they loved the people they do. But one thing I know, Tank, you would never lay your hands on me, not intentionally."