You Look Better Dead

Not Your Time

I woke up the next morning with Kahlil beside me still. My memories of yesterday flooded my brain and I sat up. I went to walk to the bathroom but Khalil arms kept me in the same spot. He grip got harder and I tried prying his hands off of me but he wouldn't budge.

"You're not going anywhere," he said with his eyes still closed. "You're not leaving my side until I know you're okay to be by yourself"

I knew he was serious and that he was gonna stay here as long as he needs too. Even it means him running into Victor. I laid on his chest bringing the covers over me.

I love him so much. I love him. He loves me.
Why do I tell myself that I can't have what I want because of others. I do this so much that I forget what are my true desires. 

"Kahlil, I love you, I do," I looked up at him and he opened his eyes. "But I can't be with or anyone for right now, I need to feel like myself again." I felt tears coming and I quickly wiped my eyes. "I want you to still be around, I want you to be there for the nights where I don't want to be alone in my thoughts"

"London, I love you and will wait for you as long as you need me too, I want you to be happy and if that means we have to wait then I'm okay with that, I don't want to lose your again" he said and I felt my heart flutter. He kissed my forehead and we both sat up. "I'm taking this" he said grabbing the gun.

"Good idea" I stated with a slight smile. He chuckled a little bit. He hugged me tightly and left the room.

I sat on the edge of my bed with nothing but the thoughts of who I became after all of this. I can't run away from it. I can't simply label myself something in hopes I could come to terms with what is going on inside of me. I can't do this alone.

I got dressed in some casual clothes and grabbed my keys. I headed to the nearest store to pick up some flowers and something light to eat. My next stop was the cemetery.

I parked my car close to the entrance and turned my car off. I grabbed everything and walked towards Killians grave. I soon found it. Sitting down beside it. Putting the flowers on top of the tombstone.

"Hey, it's been a minute," I started. "God, how time moves by so fast, I miss you so much, even though I loved Kahlil first I still had love for you and hope for the future we could have had" I gently placed my hand in his tombstone and sighed. " What would you say if you could see me now?"

"He would say that you're still as strong as you were 19 years ago maybe even stronger for staying alive for so long" someone said be hind me. I quickly turned around to see William standing there with flowers. He walked up and set the beside mine. He sat beside me leaning on my shoulder.

"I thought you were pissed at me" i laid my head on top of his and he grabbed my hand.

"Listen dad, I heard what happened and I should have never yelled at you like I did, I have been selfish to think that you coming back would make everything better but you went through so much alone, you never got to experience your life with me or Khalil at that m, but most importantly you never really processed killians death" William spoke with such softness in his voice. I finally felt like his father. I pulled him in for a big hug and he tried to push me off of him. We laughed for a bit and talked for the whole afternoon.

"I want to promise you something, from this day on I will always be there for you, even when I have the darkest days I will be there for you like I couldn't be in past," I began to tear up but wiped them away. " I also promise to get help and find peace of mind"

"I love you dad" William said

"I love you too son" those words felt so amazing to me. It felt like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

We both got up and headed out the cemetery. We planned on having dinner at my place and also invited Khalil over.

Time seemed to pass by quickly. William, Kahlil, and I sat in the living room. I was close to Kahlil well practically laying his lap. William sat in the the other chair. We watch a few movies ranging from comedy to scary then to action and then we landed on apocalyptic movies.

"I'm just saying, if vampires were real we have a better chance since we have training" William said aloud.

"But human and zombies are different, human are fighting to kill, zombies on the other hand are hungry and want to to tear you apart," Kahlil retorted. William threw his pillow at Khalil and I ducked. A pillow fight broke out.

I obviously won since Khalil didn't was holding back because he didn't want to really hurt me.

"Thank you guys" I said. "It's been a while since I felt okay and happy at the same time but right now I'm with my two favorite people" William jumped onto me and hugged me tightly.

"I'm happy that I got to meet my father" William said still hugging me. Khalil basically threw William off of me so he could hug me next and William grabbed a pillow. He walked closer but then stopped midway due to the sound of glass shattering. I looked behind to see a car drive by quickly.

"William," Khalil asked with concern. William dropped the pillow that he held and there was blood coming from his stomach. I rushed to him quickly and moments of Killian's death flashed into my head.

"I am not loosing you," I stated. I ran to my bathroom and grabbed my med kit. I raced back applying pressure to the wound. "Call 911" I yelled. I covered the wound with a gauze to seal it . I wrapped a some fabric around his stomach to keep the gauze in place.

Khalil came up to me and told me the ambulance was five mins out. I held William in my arms keeping him awake. Just rocking back and forth.

"You're gonna be okay" I whispered to him.

"V..vi....Vic...Victor" William whispered back before the ambulance pulled up.