22. Journal Entry Ten of Learning

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This I know because we were eating our Sundaes on either corner of the piano bench and when we were quiet for a while, she got this faraway look in her eyes and she had disappeared.

Physically, she was with me, but in every other sense, I had lost her.

I don't know where she went.

I wanted so badly to ask her 'Where did you go? Where did you go just now?'.

But I didn't, because I thought that would be a little intrusive.

I opened my mouth to ask it, but I couldn't go through with it.

It was the same sort of look that she got back on the pier in Eastport when we had been talking about her ex.

6. She knows Clementine

7. She loves the Embassy Waltz

8. She loves the Blue Danube

What's not to like about her, Dad?

Oh, her hands were back.

Shaking, I mean.

Her fingers were tapping away again; at her folder, her side, her thigh, against the piano.

It's almost like she was trying to play prestissimo with her fingers.

I don't want to make her nervous.

I want to calm her down.

The way she calms me.

The way she makes life joyful.

It was only after the lull in our conversation at around ten that I realized I'd been having such a wonderful time and never even felt the time going.

It's been so long since that has happened, Dad.

Any of it.

Enjoying someone's company so much.

Even the silences and the lulls in the conversations.

It's been so long since I've played the piano.

So long since someone has wanted me to sit down and play for them.

So long since someone loved the first song that I decided to play for them.

So long since someone enjoyed the music the same way I do.

Just, so long, Dad.

You would have liked her taste in music.

She does like new songs, too, but she seems to enjoy the classics.

Shame you two never got to exchange notes on Elvis or the like.

Every day, I feel that chasm calling to me, Dad.

Every day, every time I see her, especially, I'm reminded of the chasm.

Every day that I walk into the dining room and she's there and I don't get to walk right over to her and pull her into me, I'm reminded of that chasm.

Every single time that I see her disappear despite being right in front of me and I'm not able to ask her where she went leaving me, I'm reminded of that chasm.

One day, Dad.

One day.

I'll be on the other side.

I'll be on the other side

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