Drunk Without Cause

Twenty-Seven.

"What?" She sat down on her bed, pulling one knee to her chest as she listened intently. "What do you mean? Where?"

"At my flat." He told her. She hated how calm he spoke, always an even tone and flawless accent. That was how British accents always were, Emi grew up around plenty of them. Scottish accents were way more messy. "Why did you do it?"

"Fuck you." Emi spat. The last person she wanted to deal with was Xavian. He was such an asshole, and he didn't deserve anything. But she needed to know where Keely was. "Is she still there? Did she go home?"

"I'm not saying shit until you tell me why the hell you would do something like that?"

"Ask yourself!" She replied, her temper rising by the second. "I don't have to fucking explain myself to a bassa like yourself."

"The thing is, I know what it felt like to do what I did." He was saying, and she thought back to that night that she tried to forget a million times over. Finding Xavian with that girl, her screaming, then her crying. When she kissed Keely and then cried some more. "And you know what it felt like to find it out. So why do that to her?"

"You wouldn't get it—"

"Really? Because I'm pretty sure that I'm the only person you know that would."

There was a long silence. Emi found her reflection, disgusted by the person that stared back at her. Why was she the way that she was? Plenty of people went through the same shit, and they didn't cheat on their partners as a result. So why did she? Because I was scared.

No, a different voice sung, because you're pathetic.

"I know you hate me." Xavian spoke before she could formulate a response. Probably words that would tell him how horrible he was. She wanted him to suffer for what he had done to her. "I hate me too, we can be the President and Vice President of the club, bloody hell. But I've been hating myself for a long time now, and I suspect that the feeling is a bit foreign for you."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Emi scowled.

"What I'm saying, is that I hate myself for what I did to you, Emily." He said. "I hate myself so fucking much for being such a god awful piece of shit for no reason. I don't even remember what was running through my mind since I was so drunk. I know that you've been dealing with the repercussions of my actions for a long time now, but I need you to understand something."

"What?" She hated that she wanted to actually know. Even then, she missed the sound of his voice. They had truly been in love, and Emi was destroyed after it ended. Of course, she didn't love him like that anymore. Now she loved someone else. But it was hard to not miss the way he smiled or those big words he would use or that terrified look he would get whenever she suggested doing something daring. The way that he would always ask are you sure that we're supposed to be doing that?

No. The answer was always no, but that was what made it so much fun.

"I've been dealing with them too." He stated simply. "It's not fair of me to ask for your forgiveness or say that I've suffered more than you. But I lost you that day just as you lost me."

"I hate you." Her words were weak, just as she was. No amount of silver jewelry or thick eyeliner would hide the truth.

Xavian only chuckled. "I could never blame you for that. Emily, if you still feel that way about me, then why would you want Keely to feel that too?"

"I..." Emi didn't know why she was going to tell him, but she couldn't take the shaking of her palms or the weight on her chest any longer. They weren't friends anymore, she wouldn't have to talk to him after this. "Before you cheated on me, you said that you loved me."