Love without risk {Spencer x Reader}

𝙲𝙷𝙰𝙿𝚃𝙴𝚁 𝟿

It's the nicotine rush that people like, it's this weightless feeling that rushing over you, momentarily blocking out any negative thoughts.

Nicotine rushes don't last long, that's why you keep smoking. For you, the nicotine rush calmed down your anxiety, and it loosened the knot in your stomach.

"You're smoking?" Spencer questioned as he opened the door.

"Shit" you mumbled attempting to hide the cigarette behind your back even though Spencer had already seen it.

"Do you always sneak off in the middle of the night to smoke?" he asked closing the door behind him and sitting down by my side.

"No" you sighed tapping the ash off the end.
"I rarely smoke, I just needed something to calm me down."

"You have anxiety meds for that" Spencer pointed out, watching you inhaling the toxic smoke once more.

"Yeah but if I took them now, then I'd be asleep till tomorrow evening" You stated leaning your head back to embrace the floaty feeling.

"Where did you even get those?" Spencer asked.

"I always keep a pack if ever I want one. Then I hide them."

"I love how honest you are" Spencer chuckled scooching up closer to you.

"What's the point in lying? You've caught me now" you sighed closing your eyes and putting the cigarette in between your lips.

"Talk to me, angel... You said you had a nightmare, what was it about?" he asked softly.

"It doesn't matter... I'm just going through it right now y'know?"

"It's nothing to do with us, right? Cos if the proposal was too soon or bad timing, you can tell me." Spencer stated gazing at you lovingly.

"No, the proposal was perfect.  You're perfect, it's not you it's..." You paused realizing you were about to quote the most cliché line in human history.
"It's me." you chuckled.

"I get it, everything's so crappy. After Carl Dallas, I hoped it would all be ok, but that case just attracted your parents" Spencer sighed bringing his knees up to his chest and hugging his slightly chilly body. You held the cigarette between your lips while you wrapped half the blanket around him, and yourself.

"Have you ever read a series of unfortunate events?" You asked pulling the cig from your mouth and tapping the excess ash off again.

"Yeah" Spencer replied.

"It's like that. Carls parents were in an accident that put him in care, I was also in care and I became friends with him, then years later I became an FBI agent that led to the CIA hiring me to go undercover.  That case overall ending with the US citizens going to bed safe at night, led to my parents hearing about it, and finding out about me et cetera." you explained staring off into the distance.

"You've had it unlucky" Spencer sighed.

"So have you... First the schizophrenic mother, absent father, and horrific bullying. Then Tobias Hankel, and the anthrax poisoning, that's not even mentioning all the shit you've gone through because of me." you listed.

"I guess but when you mention the stuff that I've been through with you, it kind of takes away from all the great stuff we've been through too. Y'know I wouldn't change any of it if it meant that I couldn't be here with you." Spencer stated softly, as you crushed the finished butt.

"I know. As I said, I'm just going through it right now" you whispered turning to look at him and smiling softly.

"How can I help you?" He asked.