Theft of a Life

Ch18

"I've got to kill the scientist," I say breathlessly. "If I kill her, then...then..." I trail off. Furrow my eyebrows. Think hard. Where was I going with this? "I lost my train of thought," I look up at him, smiling ruefully.

"Ross, you're exhausted," James says. I agree. I am exhausted. But-

"Sleep is for the dead." Then, I tilt my head. "The scientist can sleep,"

I teleport back to interrogation, but I forgot that James was touching me. Instinctually, I cling to his presence, forcing him to be part of me and come with me. My feet touch the cheap carpet of the next place. Many places. I go to a lot of them. Now I'm in this one. And I'm on the ground in it.

"Ross, no, you can't do this right now," James whispers in my ear. I think he's trying not to cause a scene. Which is odd, because there's no one to watch a scene. Just the scientist. She belongs dead anyways. Which means no one. That's it! I finally remember why I needed to shoot her.

"I need to kill her. She can't cause problems if she's dead,"

"Ross," He sounds exasperated with me. "Darling. Look at her. She isn't hurting anything. Just let me take you to bed."

I raise my head. A heavy head. On a heavy body. Why are bodies heavy? I bet she feels weightless.

Away from my panicked and disorganized mind, the scientist just sits there. She holds a bottle of water. She stares at me. Her eyes look scared. Good. She should be scared. It's healthy- I'm about to kill her.

"I need to kill her," I whisper to James, struggling to my feet. I'm so tired.

"Let's take a nap first, Ross," He replies, pulling me to my feet, but not stopping once I'm standing. He pulls the gun out of my grip and sets it on the counter, lifting me off the ground. "You take a nap, and then we'll deal with it, okay?"

"You're patronizing me," I mutter. I try to teleport again, isolating myself from him this time, but I just sort of...flicker.

"Ross, you're gonna burn out like this," James whispers to me as we leave the room. He's careful about which way we're going- leaning around corners, taking the least used hallways- so that no one sees. Sees their fearless leader reduced to the weak little girl everyone sees. Maybe that's all I am.

But I need to be more.

"-You can't even stand up, you haven't slept in days!" I realize I'm still being scolded.

"Just- just set me down," I blink hard, trying to force back the ache behind my eyes. James sighs, but sets me down- on our bed.

"Not what I meant," I mutter under my breath, pressing the heel of my hand into my eyes.

"But what you needed," James replies as he sits down next to me. I lift my hands again, the light sending a dull ache into my skull.

"What I need is to kill the scientist. And then get everyone back in the gym. What's going on with Grace?" My eyes are burning, I want to close them so badly.

"I'll tell you after you sleep,"

"But I need to take care of it now," I need to see if Grace is done. I need Quinn and Ray in the gym. I need combat lessons. I need the documents we stole from the base on their training so I know what we need to beat. I can kill the scientist to free up Ray, and she's outlived her usefulness anyways.

"You need to take care of everything now." I nod. "You need to take care of half of it yesterday." I nod again. "But you needed to sleep on Tuesday," I groan.

"I don't have time for that,"

"Well, your attempts at teleporting grow more pathetic every minute you're awake, so I don't think you've got many options,"

"That's not very nice," I mutter. I try to port again, but like he said, it doesn't work well. I sort of flicker in and out for a second, and then I sink back into the bed. More tired than before.

"Yeah, how about you don't do that, since your hair is turning white again?"

I grit my teeth and groan, wrapping my arms over my head to block out the light.

"If you'd stop struggling for ten seconds you'd be asleep already," James says in a sing-song kind of voice.

"If I take a nap can I kill the scientist?" I ask after a moment. There's no way to get out of this.

"I will hand you the gun myself, my love,"

"You don't mean that," I half-laugh, mostly because I'm too tired to manage anything else.

"No, I don't," He says, and I can see the way he'd shake his head, but I don't actually see it, because in a split second of peace my body snatched the possibility of sleep and ran with it.

As I sleep, I see flashes of a life gone by. What we were before Hydra. What we would have been without them. Two little girls, happy with their parents. But that wasn't the way things were meant to be, I suppose.

They tore me apart. Hydra. Locked me up for so long. And her...I don't know how she stands to defend them. We are going to change the world, and she's trying to stop us. They hurt her more than almost any of us, and yet we're the ones she wants to stop.

It doesn't make sense. She was supposed to be on my side. She should have been on my side too.

But she's not.

Just like the one who'd call himself my brother.

Six hours later, I'm awake, and James lets me get back to work. He tells me to sleep again tonight. I agree, but we both know that I'm lying. Sleep is for the dead, and I don't plan on dying any time soon.