Better Every Day - A Jonathan Davis Fanfiction

Chapter 22 - Like Old Times

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The days had been passing by faster than I cared to admit, each day blurring into one big drug-infused ground-hog day. I had been steadily relying more and more on heroin, and stopped enjoying the high. It was becoming something less than the incredible release that I experienced the first time I tried it; now, it was nightmare-inducing. I was craving the release from the self-loathing and the panicked states I would get myself into when thinking about the night I was drugged and almost killed. The feeling of him touching my skin, his eerie voice penetrating my ears, seeping into my skull. I couldn't stand the thought of him, the thought of what he wanted to do to me. I started to shake every time I thought of it, and at first, the drugs took my mind off it.

Now the drugs made it worse. I didn't feel as high anymore, I just felt detached and lost. Like I'm watching myself from a distance; the person inside unrecognisable. I lost the ability to feel happy when I'm detached, now it just scared me. I had only been using drugs for a few weeks, but it lost its appeal very quickly.

The reason for this, mostly, was Jon. He was trying to go back to the way we used to be together, and I was just not there. He was trying less and less because I wasn't giving back to him, so I started associating the drugs with not having Jon with me. Every time he would try to have a conversation with me, I would be thinking of how I was going to get my next fix without anyone seeing. Every time he would try to cuddle me, I would be thinking about making sure my stash is still there, and I couldn't stay in the embrace. Every time he wanted to make breakfast for me, I'd be coming down from a high, unable to get out of bed.

Having said this, we did have our moments. For instance, the day Jon got me out of bed and took me to the Ferris Wheel at a nearby amusement park. I had been a bit distant that day, and Jon was concerned. He paid the man working the ride off and then whispered something to the man that I couldn't hear. The next thing I knew, we were stuck at the top of the ride and Jon was grinning like an idiot. "Close your eyes," he said, so I did, with a grin of my own creeping onto my face. I asked him what he was doing, but he just told me to be patient. He turned me around to face the back of the cage and I felt something cold on my collarbone. I instinctively reached up to touch it, and I felt a necklace; a locket. He had given me a locket, written inside: 'Always Yours'. He said it was a reminder that I would always have a safe place with him, no matter what. I remember him looking down, feeling a bit embarrassed in case I thought it was cheesy, but I took his face in my hands, looking into his eyes. "You're perfect," I told him and pressed my lips into his. After looking at the sunset for a few minutes in each other's arms, he stuck his arm out of the cage and gave the man controlling the ride a thumbs up, and then he brought us back to the ground.

"Hey, you getting up any time soon? You know, it's like, dinner time right?" Fieldy came into my room, breaking me out of my daze.

"Uhh, yeah I guess so," I said, pressing my palms to my forehead. I wanted to feel okay, but I didn't know how to.

"Get your ass up, Mia! We're throwing it back, we're gonna play drinking games, girl!" Fieldy said, dragging me out of bed by my ankles.

"Okay! Okay! I'm coming," I laughed. I threw on a hoodie and went out to the front of the bus where the boys were.

"There she is!" David yelled.

"Here I am?" I said, confused.

"Jon made a good point earlier; we don't spend enough time together. The OG gang, you know what I'm saying?" Fieldy said.

"I said we should spend a night in, just have a chill night together," Jon said, looking at me. He reached over and grabbed my hand, pulling me into the kitchen. "I missed spending time with the people I care about the most, especially the one right in front of me," he said.

"I know, I've just been feeling kind of sick lately," I lied, "but I'm down for a night in with the boys," I smiled.

"Good, let's get some drinks," he grinned.

We both got some Jack Daniels and coke and joined the boys on the couch. As I sat down, Fieldy shot up with a cheeky smile. "No no no no, we're starting with shot roulette. Yall stupid if you thought I was letting you get out of this one!"

"Oh no, this didn't end well for me last time," I laughed.

"No, it didn't," Munky laughed. Fieldy came back with an entire plate of shots, carefully placing them on the coffee table near the couch.

"We need a bottle, dumbass," David said when Fieldy sat back down.

"Oh shit, yeah. Hold on." He said, and then skulled the beer in his hand. "There ya go. I think it's fair to say Mia lost the last time we played, so you spin first," he handed me the bottle.

"Alrighty," I spun the bottle, and sure enough, it pointed straight at Jon.

"Here we go again," Head rolled his eyes and took a swig of his beer. Jon took the shot and spun next. It landed on Munky who took his shot, fist-bumping Head. The next few landed on us all pretty equally, but then there were a few that landed on Munky in a row. By the end, I had taken 3 shots, Jon had taken 4, and Munky had taken 6. The rest of the boys got around 3 each.

"Next game... what about smash or pass?" I suggested.

"Is that like fuck or nah?" Head asked

"Yep. If you smash, you drink. I'll go first," I said, taking a sip of my drink and trying not to grin, "me".

Jon's eyes went straight to mine as if to say, 'hell no'. Then he scanned the room, threatening everyone with his eyes.

"You kidding? Smash," Fieldy said, "in the most... respectful way possible," he added, but he was still grinning ear to ear.

"I feel weird about this," Munky said.

"You're like my little sister! I feel weird too," Head said. Jon nodded, clearly happy with them.

"Smash," David said, looking off into the distance.

"Fuck you guys, drink up," Jon said with a slight laugh.

"Now Mia has to answer for every one of us," Fieldy said, a huge smile on his face.

"Oh hell," Jon muttered.

"That's easy. Pass, pass, pass, pass," I pointed at each of them and then stopped at Jon, "smash".

He grinned, twisting one of his dreadlocks.

We went through a bunch of names of tour staff, fans, other bands and mothers until we got bored. They said 'smash' to just about every name, except for Jon. He only said smash to one name: mine.

"What game do we want to play next?" I asked.

"How about never have I ever? Like old times." Munky asked.

Everyone was in, so we refilled our drinks and sat back down on the couch. All I could think about was that someone could ask a question about drug use. If they do, will I lie, or will I be honest?

~to be continued~