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(Sorry for all the vents I've been making hehe..)
I don't think I can say it in a positive way while explaining everything I wanna say.
I feel divided with myself.
I wanna continue to write CH and SH stuff but I'm definitely falling out of the community and there's no denying it.
I wanna completely move onto the OSC but I don't want to leave the CH community yet since it's how I met so many amazing people and it's how I began writing.
I wanna try to stick with both but it's already hard to only write one or the other. I tried to make that Overly-Used Club book to help me but it was just a complete fail.
And part of me wants to stop. Not like an end it all way but with writing. But I can't do that since it's something I'm starting to like doing. I don't even think breaks or putting things on hold will help. Maybe canceling more books but I really don't wanna do that.
I know I'm ways giving advice to people but I can't seen to listen to my own words. I know it's better to think about yourself sometimes but I feel like I'd be selfish doing that.
This app helped me get through 2020. I was able to at least have someone to talk to, long conversations and 100 reply comment sections of us chatting. Ideas left and right, requests, connections to characters. I always felt a little happy about it. But there's this sudden silence now. And it's making me wonder if I'm doing something wrong.
I don't know if I'm sounding selfish or needy (hhh) or bad because of this but what I'm trying to say is that I really don't know what I wanna do, or what I'm even saying. I'm just stuck in a mindless question of "what am I doing?" and "how should I fix this feeling?" to the point where I can't even remember what feeling I'm trying to fix.
