Cheyenne moved back across the city with her mom. Her grandmother was very disappointed to see her leave, but she trusted that Cheyenne was mature enough to handle the matters in her home.
Cheyenne is the oldest of three, and the only girl. Her maturity came early from raising her younger brothers; cooking, cleaning and disciplining. Her mother was a drug addict. She never spoke on it with anyone because it's a burden she preferred to keep to herself as she figured out how to grow from it. Though she loved her mom, she resented her so much for the past. Unbeknownst her knowledge, that same resentment is what led her mother to the streets and the life of coping through drugs.
One evening Cheyenne is trying to study for her anatomy quiz and she just can't focus because of all the noise going on around her. She's now transferred to the Early College for high-school students in the city she grew up in with her mom. Finishing her last year at the Early College will give her the college credits to apply when choosing what University she wants to go to. Her heart is set on becoming a Doctor of Dentistry.
Making others smile has always been her gift. At least she that's what she viewed it as. Her mom always viewed her natural gift as a curse.
Cheyenne: Ma, can you tell Bray to go outside for a little while and play ball or something? I really have to study for this anatomy quiz tomorrow. I can't mess this up, it's too late in the semester.
Cheyenne's Mom: Here you go trying to use your education as a sword to belittle everyone else in this house. I'm not telling Bray nothing, this is HIS house! He lives here. And HE wouldn't leave no matter what mess is in it, so you go find you somewhere else to study. I got used to the noise, if you want to be here I suggest you get used to it to.
Cheyenne: alright, I'll go to the library. You're sick. I'm going to this community college for yall. Not for me. To show y'all different. And I can't even get as much as respect enough for me to study a few hours in peace? I don't know why I came back. Bray & Zai haven't left yet but trust me— if you show them all you've shown me over 17, almost 18 years, they will. No one wants to live with you because you are content with the madness of the world. You bring the madness in your home with your children, scarring them for life. I'll pray for my brothers, but I will never look back to you again... not to help you nor to hurt you, but God will do both.
Cheyenne's Mom: Now here you go with your God! Did your God help me get through 14 years of raising a diva? You know you've always thought you were such a prize, Chi. You think that pretty face and body of yours is going to get you a good man huh? These men they've always looked at you, but they never cherished you. Why do you think your dad left? You were a disappointment to him and he left me for it. I found healing in that pipe. And you keep running me back to it! I can't heal in this hell!!!!
Cheyenne: You can't heal in hell because that is what you choose to make of this home. I tried giving you your homage for being my mom. You can't even be proud that I'm healing. You want healing for yourself so bad you can't even try to heal what you hurt! For you to say I was a disappointment to my father, that hurts, ma. That's all I've ever been to this family. A disappointment. But I'll pay my homage in the end. Right now— I'm doing this for me. Not you. Not dad. Not Bray or Zai. This is for me. You find your healing in that pipe, I'm going to find my healing in Christ.
Cheyenne's Diary 1:08AM
"The Anatomy of Hurt"🫀
Family cycles are so superior,
They live in your heart and mind,
And surface on the anterior.
Distance the dorsal
Keep it at the back
Compared to the future it's only a morsel
Tiny pieces that mean so much
Cause proximal damage
At the hit of a touch
And all you wanted was to lavish
But the femur is broken
The cavities are open
The holes must be filled
Can the pain even be healed?
Sometimes, I just think about dying.
What's the point in trying?
My body is tired.
My bones are weak.
My life is a mire.
Jokes on me.
I played myself;
Desperately
Seeking love through the hurt.
Knowing it would never work.
I am done.
This anatomy test won.
The grounds are cursed.
Like my womb in childbirth.
It's just the anatomy of hurt. 💔🖍
- The Curse of 'Chi🧞♀️
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