"So, have you had any recent changes in the relationship department?" Ju asks while finishing taping up a black curtain around one of the bedroom windows.
"Hell no," I answer with a light chuckle and shake of my head. "I'm not wanting to date anyone for like the next ten years."
I push the last cardboard piece against the second bedroom window, making sure it stays in place so I can hang the other black curtain up.
"I was just wondering. We've both been so busy the last few months that we haven't talked much on the phone. And you haven't dated anyone since-"
"Don't even finish that fucking sentence, Juliet," I quickly interrupt her from speaking any more about it and turn my head look at her.
"I was going to say that "piece of shit," but never mind," she shrugs and leans against the wall with her arms crossed in front of her chest.
I put the last piece of tape up on the curtain and then let it drape down over the window, omitting any possible chance of light getting through.
Now the room is pitch black, except for the red overhead lights that make the room look like we're standing inside of a strawberry.
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I sigh loudly and turn towards her, my eyes starting to adjust to the neon red glow of the room. "I just don't like talking about him," I state. "I'd rather not speak about all the bullshit that happened."
Her lips turn down into a frown, but her eyes show understanding and comfort. "I understand," she says quietly. "I really do, Nolan. I just worry about you, that's all." She walks a few more steps towards me and lightly rubs my shoulder. "I want you to be happy. I want you to find whatever it is that you're still searching for."
My muscles tense as her words penetrate through the defense guard I always have up. She's right. I am still looking for something. I don't really fucking know what it is, but I know it's out there somewhere. I don't know if I'll ever find it though. Things get lost and go missing all the time and are never found.
"You don't have to worry about me," I tell her, shaking my head. "I'll be fine. I always am."
"It's okay if you're not fine, sometimes," she reminds me with a soft smile. "We all have those moments."
As much as I hate to admit it to myself, it seems like I'm always having those not-fine moments. They seem to follow me everywhere I go. No matter what good things are happening in my life, there is always something that ends up ruining everything.
I'm not the best at letting things go. I think I have attachment issues.
I keep trying to forget about the last two years I wasted on a piece of shit who caused me more headaches than I could medicate.
