STAR WARS IMAGINES

poe dameron | traitor [part one]

But as selfish as he was, he was a nice guy. Charming, caring, loving --- all when he needed to be. He took the stool next to you but you didn't look at him.

"Hey, honey," he said. The name stung. He hadn't called you that in two weeks, since the last you'd spoken to him. Since you had asked about Zorii and he grew defensive enough to shut you down and out. That was when things ended --- in a fiery argument full of tears from you and angry defensiveness from him. "I didn't know you'd be here tonight." 

"Figured I'd be moping around my room a little bit longer, huh, flyboy?" you asked. 

"No," he said. He was lying. 

You sighed. It was exhausting. "And what, are you here to apologize for showing up here with her?"

"Sort of. I didn't want... I didn't want to hurt you. I promised you that I wouldn't and I did still want to keep that promise, even if we weren't together anymore---" 

"How is it so hard for you to understand that you have already broken those promises?" you asked. "Poe. You never loved me." 

"What are you talking about? Of course I did." 

"No, you didn't. How could you of? We've been apart for two weeks and you're parading in here, in front of all of our friends, with this girl hanging off your arm, looking at you so lovesick. No one can look at you like that day one into a relationship, either." 

"Are you accusing me of cheating on you?" 

"No," you said, "I'm accusing you of lying. You didn't love me. You didn't have any intention of keeping your promises to me. You were going to hurt me when you saw it fit. You were going to leave me when you saw it fit. Poe, your promises were empty from the start and I just convinced myself that I believed them."

"I did love you," he whispered. Force, his voice. Broken and quiet, full of his own form of betrayal that wasn't at all your fault, but your mind pushed you to apologize for it. You fought to keep the apology from spilling off your lips, because there was no reason at all for you to be sorry for something that he had done. "I do love you." 

"Not in the way you said you did," you said. "Not in the way you love her. She's exciting to you. What am I? The girl that helped you get over losing your mom? The only one that didn't hate you when you turned to spice running? I hate to call the love that you had for me default love, but... I don't know a better word." 

"You were all I had," he said. 

Your stomach turned sour. Selfish boy.

"And now I'm not. Now you've got everything you could have ever wanted and me sticking around doesn't seem so special anymore. Now as soon as we call it quits, you move on." Crossing your arms, you nodded towards the empty glass in front of you. The bartender took it to refill it. "I don't know why you're still here, Poe. There's nothing more to say. I know that you're not sorry. I don't expect you to be. Just go."

He slowly moved off the stool. You couldn't tell if he was angry, but you decided that if he started to argue or yell again, you would simply stare at this wall and drown it all out. Your mind was loud enough to distract you, anyway.

"We never would've worked," he said. "And it isn't anything against you, honey. There's nothing wrong with you. It was me. I couldn't... I couldn't see --- I just don't see sticking around with anyone as long as I know you would. We're different."

"I really wish you had thought this through," you whispered, "before I convinced myself that it was safe to fall in love with you. Before I convinced myself that you weren't going to betray me." 

You slapped the credits down on the counter and chugged the drink the bartender slid over to you. You only got halfway through it before you pulled the glass away from your lips, grimacing around the sharp, burning taste in your mouth. You wiped your lips and got off the stool, and you finally looked at him. Into the eyes of the lying boy that you loved with every single part of your heart and soul.

"You won't see me again," you promised him. "So you'll be able to really move on. Not that you're really having a problem with that so far, but maybe you won't have to look so guilty next time you take her out to show her off to all of our friends." 

He was silent as you left him. You walked out of the cantina with no intentions on ever coming back. 

The very next day, you left Kijimi and joined the Resistance, because it was something you could dedicate your heart and soul to without fearing another lie or heartbreak. The years passed and you did not hear from Poe again, and eventually you stopped wondering if he did. Just as you convinced yourself that you believed lie after lie that came out of his mouth, you convinced yourself that you were forgetting him with every passing day.

You moved on with your life, always pretending, just as you were used to. Always pretending --- and therefore blissfully unaware of the new Resistance recruit that was climbing the ranks fast as he followed in his parents' footsteps, chasing after you and your memory with every single step.