The Claimed: Rashika's Resistance

Chapter 26: Dangerous

The blush faded from Izra's cheeks, and she slipped back into her usual indecipherable mask. Slowly, evenly, she asked, "What makes you think I'm never afraid?"

Plu's head snapped up fully, and she raised her eyebrows. "You approach any woman you want at the Coupling. You take on fights you don't know if you can win. And when you handed yourself in to save that little boy, you didn't even blink an eye."

"And we all watched you pummel a woman twice your size," Ru added.

"Well, Denavin is different," said Plu. "She might be dangerous for everyone else, but we all know she would never hurt Izra."

Izra's fingers folded into her palms on the table, her shoulders hunched slightly, and her eyebrows twitched.

"Izra?" I said softly, laying my hand on the table beside hers without quite touching her.

Izra drew her hands off the table into her lap. "I'm going to see Denavin tomorrow."

My gut tightened, but I forced myself to give a slow nod and speak in an easy tone. "At the Coupling?"

"No, I'll go to Denavin's home in the morning. I promised to visit her each Darkday."

Ru set down her fork with a clink. "Can't believe Denavin still wants to see Izra after you gave her a black eye." She elbowed Plu. "Maybe Denavin is the one you should be asking about bravery, Plu."

Plu and Ru both snickered. I side-glanced Izra. She picked up her fork and knife and refocused on eating.

Ru and Plu started up a new conversation, and Izra offered an occasional neutral response. I turned my own attention to my food, though my appetite had disappeared. After finishing the food as quickly as I could, I excused myself from the table.

I reached Izra's room before the rest of the group left the cafeteria. Sinking down onto the bed, I pressed my hands over my face and blew out a breath into my palms. Denavin had hurt me, but I had advised Izra to make amends with her. We could not afford to make more enemies, and the twins were sure Denavin wouldn't hurt Izra. I needed to accept this.

But accept what? What exactly did Denavin want with Izra?

The bed still smelled of sex, an unwanted reminder of what was already on my mind. While I hadn't expected one night together to equal exclusivity, the thought of Denavin touching Izra caused unease to writhe in my stomach, protesting the cold swell of undigested food.

The door knob turned slowly — hesitantly. I dropped my hands to the mattress on either side of me and schooled my expression just before Izra slipped through the door. Izra leaned back against the closed door, dark eyes fastened to me.

She drew in two breaths and released them again before speaking. "Epsa, you knew I would be going to see Denavin." Defensiveness hardened her voice, but I recognized guilt and confusion peeking through the cracks. "You already knew that before we..."

I nodded a bit harder than intended, straining my neck. "I know I have no claim to you. I don't —" I don't mind, I meant to say, but the last word drowned in a swamp of jealousy. Instead, I managed an ambivalent: "You should do whatever you want to do."

She emitted a strangled laugh and shook her head. "It's not about what I want. It never has been."

A fist squeezed hard over my gut, no longer jealousy but something darker, uglier. "What do you mean, it's not about what you want?"

She fixed a vacant gaze on the mat beside the bed.

Quietly, I asked, "Your first kiss was with Denavin, wasn't it?"

    Her eyes flicked to mine and back down to the mat. "Yes."

"And you didn't want it."

Her brow furrowed. "She never forced herself on me. She just told me it was a way I could repay her for always protecting me and Izkar."

"And did... did you like it?"

She jerked up one shoulder in a shrug. "When it was only a kiss, I didn't mind. When it started to go further, I wanted out. She said I didn't need to do anything for her, but then she couldn't promise she would do anything for me. If it had only been about me, that might have been alright, but Izkar..."

Cold seeped into my chest. "How old were you, Izra?"

"What does it matter? Denavin was also a child."

"But four years older than you."

She shrugged again. One hand clasped over her other forearm, fingernails digging in like claws. I had seen her unbalanced before, but I had never seen her look so uncomfortable in her own skin. Some strange mix of anger and fear clamped over me, tightening my voice.

"Do you really think she will betray Rashika's Resistance if you don't see her?"

"Probably not. Denavin's mother died at the King's order just like the rest of our parents."

"Then why do you do everything she asks?"

She met my gaze, eyes cold and dark. "Because 'probably' isn't good enough."

I shook my head. "You don't have to go see her, Izra. We can —" Kill her, played on the tip of my tongue, but I bit down on it. Though the idea quite appealed to me, I knew the suggestion would be unwelcome. "We can find another way."

    Izra sucked in an unsteady breath. "Listen, if it would make you jealous —"

    "It's not just jealousy, Izra. I'm worried because..."

I planned to say 'because I care about you,' or perhaps just 'because I want you to be happy.' Instead, I heard words slip from my mouth I had never said before.

"Because I love you."

    Izra blinked, and then her shoulders tensed and expression shuttered. "Don't say that. Don't even think it."

    "I... I didn't mean..." A wave of emotion drowned my protest. I didn't mean to say the words at that moment, but I certainly meant them.

    Izra stepped toward the mat and dropped to sit cross-legged. I considered asking her to join me on the bed, but when she looked up at me, the weight in her gaze silenced me.

"I loved someone once," said Izra. "Then I killed him."

I blew out an exhale. "You protected him for years. You can't blame yourself for one mistake."

"If I had never been born, he would still be alive."

"Or maybe he would have died even sooner." I swallowed and shook my head. "Anyway, you were a child, and he was a child. This is different. You don't need to worry about me."

    "Aren't you already in more danger because of me? Isn't your best friend dead because you helped me?"

    I had successfully pushed Pim to the back of my mind to focus on training. At the reminder, sharp pain jabbed my chest, and tears sprung to my eyes. Even if we won, Pim would still be gone. No more terrible stories or raucous laughter. A light snuffed out too early, and all because I betrayed the Royal Guard — and he refused to betray me.

I closed my eyes and willed the tears back so I could face Izra. By the time I reopened my eyes, Izra lay on the mat with her back to me.

"Izkar and Pim both died because of the King," I told her motionless back. "Not because of you, and not because of..."

But my throat swallowed the last word. Easier to absolve Izra's guilt than to let go of my own.

"Sleep, Epsa," said Izra.