The Choice | Bucky Barnes or Steve Rogers

I'll never be able to tell you goodbye

Hello everybody, this is the first chapter in my story. It's the first time I've written a story and I'm really happy to share it with you. I apologise in advance for my bad English, but I'm not motherlingual. Anyway, good reading :)

My dearest great love,

It is often said that the time helps to relieve the pain, but how could it alleviate it if your absence is killing me inside?

You've been taken away from my life so fast that I still can't realize that you're gone.

I feel a void..it's like my body doesn't belong to me anymore. My heart broke in countless pieces and I miss my breath every time I think of you.

It's been two month since you left my life, but I still remember every single part of you. The words you said, the way you looked. The silent moment we shared, the thing we laughed about.

I spend every single night watching the sky, just like we used to do once. I lie down into the same place we used to go, and I think about you.

I think of our first kiss, it looked like we both had been waiting for it for a long time. Steve saved you, together with the other soldiers, and he brought you back to me.

It looked like the scene of a movie, our eyes that met after so long and lips that they don't want to get away.

I always felt home with you, Bucky.

When you told me to love me, I felt like my heart could get out of my chest. You were so happy to express your feelings and I could do nothing but reciprocate, because I loved you, God if I loved you.

And if I could go back in time, I would die instead of you, because a life without you Bucky can't be lived.

You were my half, you still are.

"We'll marry you as soon as I get back from the next mission" remember? Where are you Bucky? I'm waiting for you.

But you're not coming back to me, aren't you?

I hate myself because I let you go and I hate you for never coming back to me.

If I knew our time was so limited I'd have narrowed you more in my arms. We had a life ahead. Remember that wooden house you wanted to buy once the war was over? We were always talking about our children, a boy and a girl. If you come back, I'd allow you to call our son Bucky Junior.

You can call him whatever you want, but go back to me. Come back to me, my love.

I don't think I can get past this.

I'm so sad that I don't feel good anymore. How can I live a world without you, my love? How can I go on, knowing that everything we thought will never happen again?

I always think of you before I fall asleep and when I dream, I dream of you. Because it's about you, it's always about you.

I hope you're happy wherever you are.

I hope you're okay at least.

I really hope so 'cause I love you Bucky, don't ever forget because I'll love you forever.

Yours forever, Y/n Barnes

"Are you writing another letter?" Steve asked me, while he was entering the room. I looked back from the paper to his eyes and I saw his sad expression "I know it is stupid, but I find it a good way to let me go" I said passively.

"you're doing well, you should also cry sooner or later y/n, please" sat next to me by starting to stroke my back.

The more days passed and the more I shut myself. I don't remember when it was the last time I was really happy. All I could hear was nothing. But
I can't keep everything in my head, as much as I try to pretend, I know he knows how I really feel.

I put my head on his chest and decided that maybe the time had come. The tears began to fall down and the screams of pain came from my mouth.

I felt safe with Steve. He was very present at this time, he is taking care of me and not making me feel like a burden. When he asked me to live with him, I immediately accepted. I couldn't stay in the same house I lived with Bucky, I couldn't think about the memories we built together.

I know Steve is suffering terribly too. The fact that he couldn't help his best friend torment him in every nightmare. But I'm not blaming him, I know he's not guilty at all.

"I will leave tomorrow, I have a mission, but I will return soon" he told me and then he give me a kiss on my forehead "can I come too?" I asked him. I couldn't lose him too, I couldn't stand to let him go.

"It's dangerous" he said and I shak out my head "I'll hide, I just want to make sure that you're okay"

"If something happens to you" he took my face with his hands to make our eyes meet "not will happen to me, I have a super soldier to protect me" I mentioned a smile and he reassured "okay, but be careful".

-

Steve and I can reach Red Skull before he takes off on a steering wheel. Red Skull was planning to bomb the major cities in the United States. Steve can reach the flight room while I was hiding.

I hear them fighting until Red Skull gets sucked up in nowhere. I'm getting out of my hideout and see the commanders are stuck to New York.

"Steve" I said and he turned his eyes to me making sure that I hadn't hurt "call Peggy" I looked at him sadly.

"What is this?" He came to me "you must say goodbye to her. We're dying Steve' I watched him with tears in my eyes.

When Steve told me Bucky was dead two months ago, I thought I'd end it and join him. But I couldn't because I knew Steve wouldn't pass my death too.

But knowing I'd be dead with him was reassured me. Because neither of us would have suffered.

It would've hurt Peggy. To lose the love of her life and her best friend would not have been easy for her.

We greeted her with sadness and before crashing into Article Steve shake my hand and said to me 'I've always loved you'.

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Okay, this was the first chapter. Let me know if you liked it and if you want any other parts :)