poetry

littler smaller younger you

You tried saving her,
Clinging to her with your bloodied fingers,
You wouldn't let go
No matter how much it hurt you,
And no matter how much it hurt her,
And yet even so you were both still begging
To let go.
You needed to grow up.
You couldn't hold on to that younger you forever.
Instead of forcing her to keep living as she was,
Hiding herself behind the mask that became the new you,
You keep things in her honor.
A pile of plushed animals,
Black eyeshadow,
Video games,
Plush fleece blankets,
YouTubers,
Baggy clothes...
Nearby you hold all the things she loved,
So you can keep the memory alive
In her simple comforts.
You can retreat as she would,
And when you do it almost feels like she's there beside you,
Like she's within you once more,
But instead of clawing and crying,
Fighting to survive long enough to say goodbye but not getting the chance,
She's happy again.
She's part of you and yet gone.
I understand that you tried so hard to hold on to her,
But to keep parts of her,
You had to let go of all of her.