Jaan

Part 16- GoodBye

"We're done." I retorted turning around to leave before I start crying but he stopped me from leaving.

"Hey, I know you're mad but this is not funny at all Adalina—let's go somewhere else and talk okay?" he suggested.

I jerked his hand away from my arm and stepped away from him.

"I'm done with you" I repeated.

"How can you say that? Your parents?!—I'll change myself for them okay?! I'll be better, I'll listen to them and do as they say and..."

He took a step closer to me trying to calm down.

"We both can and will make things work out...I know we can—we always have, haven't we?" His voice softened as he stared into my soul. Those eyes were my favourite thing to look at but they scare me now.

"I don't love you" The words almost came out as a whisper.

"You're lying! I know you are! I don't believe you Adalina!" he was losing it.

"I said what I said" That was the last thing I said before walking away with my heavy heart. He kept yelling so many things to stop me from leaving but I just kept walking without turning. He was calling my name but I didn't stop. I had to leave, I had to. And, I had to end this.

It hurts me that he never told me about who he really was and it hurts me even more that I still don't know who he is actually. He lied to me. He made me fall for him. He killed my friend. That was the truth. Even if I don't want to believe it.

I fell in love with the wrong person. I did. Maybe I was too blinded to even realize anything. Maybe he was playing his game too well. Maybe Allah had a message to give me. I don't know but he was never the guy for me. I could never love a guy like this. Never. My heart is broken. In a million pieces. It's hurting and crying. I feel like falling asleep and only waking up when things are better. Which right now, it also seems like it will never get better.

I loved you, Aslan. I loved the caring, smiling and loving Aslan. Not the one holding a gun and killing my friend without any hesitation.

***

After the breakup, I stopped going to school pretending like I was sick. I was calling in sick almost every day. Truth is, I was crying in my bed day and night. Praying that the pain stops and just shedding all the tears I have. He would show up in my dreams. He was on my mind 24/7. No matter how hard I tried not to think about him. Ammi jaan and Abbu were dead worried about me. I know they were because they kept checking on me every five minutes.

My brother was gone for a while again. Ayla and Aryan kept spamming me with messages but I didn't check nor did I respond. I had absolutely no energy.

A few days later, he surprisingly came back home and knocked on my door before stepping in and taking the blanket off me. Somehow he knew exactly what happened. He read through me like an open book. He made me sit correctly and listen to him.

"I can't stand seeing you this way Adalina" he said as I kept silent.

"You're still young, I think that's why it must be really hard for you right now to go through this—I feel bad now I should have told you to be more careful...if you don't want to go to school that's fine but you can't give up on yourself—" he stopped sighing. His eyes were filled with guilt and regret.

"Finish your last few weeks of high school and then I'll get permission from mom and dad and I'll let you study in Australia, if that can make you feel better?" he proposed.

"You promise you'll take me away from here?" I asked on the verge of crying.

"I promise Adalina," I wrapped my arms around him like my life depended on it and cried out loud like a baby. I cried and cried and cried. The pain was endless. He hugged me back while caressing my head gently.

"You'll be fine Adalina, you will be just fine.." he tried to comfort me.

I cried for what seemed like hours and then finally stopped. I felt a tiny bit better afterwards. I spent the last few weeks back in school for my brother's sake. Luckily, he had disappeared. His gang was gone as well. The teacher explained that they had left for an unknown reason and wouldn't be coming back. Ayla was glad that I was back. I reassured her that I was okay. Although, I kept turning and looking at the few empty seats now.

Everything changed so fast. I can't even remember the last time our class was a complete one. But it didn't matter anymore. A new chapter of my life had begun. I will try to forget the past even if at the moment it seems impossible. I will try. My brother is right. I can't give up on myself.

This little Adalina has been through a lot now. It's time for her to change now.

***

I stared up at the blue sky while I lay on the grass with my neighbour's kids.

"The sky is so blue, it's beautiful" one of them said.

"I know right" I agreed.

I still couldn't stop thinking about Fazal and him. It's okay Adalina, you did nothing wrong. My inner voice tried to reassure me.

I know that you're definitely in the best place now Fazal. Allah is with you. All your pain has finally come to an end. I know you're better now.

I will keep praying for you Fazal.

And, goodbye Aslan.

***

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