Make My Voice Brand New [COMPLETED]

When I Get Home, You're So Dead

"You don't know what you're saying." Bucky growled. Peter saw Bucky's fists clench, but it was like word vomit now; he couldn't stop. Maybe it was because he'd barely spoken to anyone, maybe it was because he was so fucking heartbroken that he had to say it outloud before he imploded on himself, maybe he just realised that Bucky wouldn't actually hurt him...

"I do, I know exactly what I'm saying. She had to hide me, Mr Stark clearly doesn't like me talking to her, she had to teach me how to do simple things in bed. You? You had the Luka handbook, Mr Stark lets you do whatever all the time, she is literally always with you. She's happy with you, I watched you in the pool from my fucking window, and I've never made her laugh like that, I can never give her those little memories, I can't measure up to what you and her have, so why should I even bother?" Peter flopped back onto the bed, his head going in his hands, and he felt wet on his fingers – he had been crying.

"She's fucking nuts about you, Parker. We've both told you there's fuck all between us. You think she'd sneak through Stark's freaking restrictions if she didn't care about you?" Bucky said, his voice soft and almost...sympathetic.

"I think she felt obligated." Peter looked up at the soldier, ignoring the soft, pleading look in his eyes. It was all an act, he was sure. "She knew I had feelings for her, she tried to give me what I wanted."

"It's what she wanted as well!"

"She needs more. She deserves the fucking world!" Peter was back to yelling. "She deserves more than some boy stuck on a Training Programme who Mr Stark hates and hasn't had sex when she's clearly already had you!"

The last sentence silenced both of them. Peter hadn't faced that particular thought of his, not properly, until now. Now it had been said, it was out there, and Bucky's response would tell him whether it was true.

Yes, making it to the mission and becoming an Avenger was the main reason he cooled things off. But through cooling things off, Peter had come to realise the stark difference between his relationship with Luka, and Bucky's.

Bucky was older, more experienced, was allowed on missions, hadn't been banned from seeing her, made her happy, cuddled her on the sofa, talked to her all the time, had a relationship with Luka that Peter knew he could never match. It would break Peter's heart if Bucky and Luka had actually slept together, but it would no longer surprise him.

Over the last week and a bit, he realised that what he had to offer as Peter Parker didn't amount to much. Especially seeing as he wasn't even a proper Avenger. All that Peter had was a useless, inexperienced body, a brain riddled with nerves, no clue how to make a woman happy, and no confidence to go against Mr Stark.

But Peter couldn't explain all of that to Luka. Not fully. He gave her the surface points, but he couldn't explain all of his insecurities to her. Not when the relationship clearly didn't mean much.

"It's better this way." Peter mumbled after a few, painfully silent moments. Bucky just scoffed at him.

"You're a fucking idiot if you truly believe that. This whole theory is based off what, seeing me and her in the same room together?"

"No, I told you, it's everything, all the time, it's-"

"It's your insecurities, and it was a fucking mistake." Bucky interjected, turning to head to the door. "I hope you realise sooner rather than later what an idiot you've been, Parker. And you better pray she'll give you another chance when that happens, cos at the minute she's fucking pissed at you."

Bucky didn't give him a chance to respond, he just stormed out of his room, slamming the door behind him so hard that the room vibrated.

Peter yelled, into the empty room, trying to expel some of the bubbling anger. It didn't work. So he stomped over to his bedside table, ripping the lamp out of the wall, and threw it at the door. Shattering loudly, the glass exploded into a million little pieces, pinging across the carpet.