It's Not Me, Its Insecurity

Chapter 5

"Hey, I wasn't suggesting anything. Just curious. But you're being awfully defensive for someone who claims not to know him that well." She grinned at me like she knew something. Which she didn't. She probably thought I had a crush on him and was only able to talk to him because he talked to me first.

"Whatever. Nothing is going on." I mumbled wanting to change the subject.

I didn't know what to do about Toby. He gave me such mixed emotions. I thought I knew how I would act around him but when he came back it almost felt like it used to be and I missed it. A lot.

"If nothing is going on, what was he talking about?" Kayla asked almost impatiently.

"What are you talking about?"

"Before he left he wanted to make sure he had your number and said he would text you when and where. What was he referring to?" She raised her eyebrow at me like she always did when she was skeptical about something.

"He wants me to help his band with their writer's block. He offered me studio time with his equipment in exchange for me to go to their band practices and give my input but I'm not sure I want to do it. I don't think I would be much help." I admitted.

"Are you kidding me!? This is a once in a life-time opportunity right in front of you! You have to do it!" Kayla slammed her hands down on the table and gave me a look of disbelief.

I laughed at her enthusiasm, "How is this 'a once in a life-time opportunity'? It's just studio time. It's not like he's offering me a record deal or something."

"First of all," She started ticking off the advantages on her fingers, "it will give you experience in a studio. Not only that but you'll be making connections and getting your name out there. You'll be able to make your own EP and who knows where that will go? And even if the music aspect doesn't work out, you'll be spending time with three guys which will help you open up. You say that nobody wants to date you but that's just because nobody knows you. And why don't they know you? Because you never let yourself out there. If you let yourself talk to guys, you might find it a lot easier to get a boyfriend."

I guess she was right. How do I expect my life and luck to change if I don't let it? I keep pulling myself back from opportunity because I'm afraid of what will happen but at the same time complain when nothing happens to change it. I'm kind of hypocritical.

"You're right. I should open myself up more to change," I'll try and go with an open mind and actually give a genuine opinion of what I think instead of what I think they want to hear.

"I really think that this will be good for you. I think Toby will be good for you too. It seems like he gets you to open up and makes you try new things."

"Yeah, I guess he does." I smiled at the memories of us hanging out and him teaching me guitar.

"You know what else would be a good opportunity for you?" She grinned mischievously.

"What?"

"Pretending to go out with me!"

"Oh my God, Kayla. I already told you no!"

"Oh please, Michelle. Please please please please please please pleasepleaseplease." She kept saying it until it didn't sound like a word anymore as it jumbled together.

"Kayla," I whined, "I really don't think it's a good idea."

"Michelle, please. Really it would help me out so much and I promise, no one will find out. I'll make sure that nobody but Brian thinks you're gay. Please. I'll owe you so big!"

I was silent for a second as she jutted her lip out and whined before I said, "I'm really really going to regret this."

"Really!?" She squealed, "You will?"

"Only because you are annoying the crap out of me right now and I want you to shut up and leave." I mumbled as I rubbed my index fingers on my temple like she had given me a headache.

"That's okay with me as long as you say yes! Thank you, thank you, thank you. You're my best friend. I love you!" She grinned like I just gave her a million dollars.

"I thought I already was your best friend?" I said accusingly.

"Yeah, but now you're my best best friend."

"Ooo. Don't tell Andrea then?" I chuckled.

She laughed, "Shut up. Seriously thank you. You don't know how much this means. And as promised, I'll owe you. Anything. Just name it and it's yours."

"Well, I don't need anything right now, except for you to leave." I said teasingly.

"Alright, alright. I get the hint. I'll go. But not before I give you a big bear hug." And true to her word, she stood up and entangled me in her arms and squeezed me before giving me a 'Merry Christmas!' and heading out the door.