Too Far Apart

12. A Shift

After a short pause, he added, "I have never used the token but it seemed like an important enough time to use it."

He knew that the token wasn't just a pass into Cloud Recess, it was a pass that meant he could go anywhere unhindered. He had never realised its true meaning until he had started to contemplate using it. Only then had re realised the sincerity of ZeWu Jun's offer of friendship all those years ago. He had been an insecure, angsty young man who didn't know anything back then.

This seemed to satisfy Lan Qiren a bit and he nodded, "I will allow you once."

Jiang Cheng refrained from breathing out heavily before he exited the doors. This was all he could ask for from Grandmaster Lan. The rest depended on the fact if Sect Leader Lan wanted to see him or not. He prepared himself for the worst as the disciple led him through the back of cloud recess, deep through the paths towards an isolated home.

------

A knock on his door made him look up from the scroll in his hands.

"Wangji?" the man clad in easy robes, placed his scroll to one side and stood up, "Come in."

But a disciple entered. "Sect Leader Lan, there is someone here to see you."

Unsure of who it could be, he could only nod. He really didn't want to see his uncle. Wangji never needed announcing, he knew no one else that could be allowed to visit him.

The person that entered at the disciple acknowledged them widened Lan Xichen's eyes. The disciple slowly backed out of the room and closed the door behind them.

"Wanyin?" He came. To visit me? Lan Xichen didn't know why his heart was speeding up at the simple thought. Why was his vision blurry in front of the man he had least expected to see? Did he really at least consider him a friend to come to visit him in seclusion?

"How?" Lan Xichen didn't understand.

In answer, Jiang Cheng walked in and pulled out a jade token that he had all but forgotten from a decade ago, more than a decade ago.

"Seemed like a good time to use it."

The tears, the emotions he had been holding back spilt now. He didn't know why. Why was he crying? He thought the tears were done after the first few months. Now here he was, pathetically sobbing again. Is there any worst he could do in front of the one he loved?

Unexpectedly, Wanyin stepped too close, an intentional slow step and wrapped his arms around him. And he broke down completely. His legs gave out as he submitted to the floor and let the tears fall silently. The anger, the guilt, the betrayal and pain... so much pain. All wheeled up in his throat once again. His body shuddered and he closed his eyes, finding comfort in the place he least expected and most wanted.

"Why?" the throbbing in his chest was unbearable.

"Why Wanyin? Why?" the pounding in his head was unbearable.

"Why?" his life was unbearable.

"All my life has been nothing but one big aid to every wrong thing that ever happened to Master Wei. How do I look Wangji in the eye every time he comes around?"

"Why was I used? What did I ever do to him? What do I do with all this guilt? Why did he do this to me?"

-----

"What am I supposed to do Wanyin?" Jiang Cheng held back his own tears and tightened his hold around the broad frame in his arms.

"I killed him with my own hands. There was so much blood." He could only hold tighter as the person shuddering.