The Emperor's New Emperor

Ch. 1: A Lot of Breaking the 4th Wall

~~~~~3rd Person POV ~~~~~

Long ago, deep in the jungle...

     Thunder sounds as a llama sits alone, hunched over on a small patch of land that is separate from the surrounding jungle. Another crash of thunder scares the llama, causing it to scream before the rain starts pouring down. The llama, getting soaking wet now, whimpers and starts to softly cry.

Will you take a look at that? Pretty pathetic, huh? Well, you'll never believe this, but that llama you're looking at was once a human being.

     The llama trudges it's way over to a leaf so it could get out of the rain. Eventually though, the leaf is holding too much water and spills it all over the llama.

And not just any human being. That guy was an emperor. A rich, powerful ball of charisma. Oh yeah! This is his story.

     The llama whimpers again before slipping back to its original spot and curling up into a ball.

Well, actually, my story. That's right - I'm that llama. The name is Kuzco... Emperor Kuzco. I was the world's nicest guy and they ruined my life for no reason. Oh, is that hard to believe? Look, I tell you what - you go back a ways, you know, before I was a llama, and this will all make sense.

     A camera shutters and reveals baby Kuzco playing with a stuffed animal while surrounded by other toys.

All right, now see, that's a little too far back. Oh ho! Look at me! That's me as a baby!

He is waving the toy around and hugging it until it's head pops off. Kuzco falls back and cries over his toy, but a dozen or so hands hold the same toy and offer them to Kuzco, causing him to stop crying.

*clears throat* All right, let's move ahead.

     "Ha! Boom, baby!" Kuzco kicks the doors open to reveal a short man waiting for him and a line of seven girls lined up further into the room.

     "Ah! Your highness, it is time for you to choose your bride," the short man says as he begins to lead Kuzco to the line of ladies waiting for him.

     "Alrighty, trot out the ladies," Kuzco walks up to the line of ladies and starts to insult each of them as he moves down the line.

     "Let's take a look-see. Hate your hair. Not likely. Yikes, yikes, yikes, and let me guess. You have a great personality."

     Kuzco turns to the short man, not even commenting on the last girl.

     "Is this really the best you could do?"

     Behind him one girl gets ready to hit him as another girl pulls her back. The last girl he insulted closes her eyes and tilts her head down. Sputtering, the short man tries to defend himself.

     "Oh, yes. Oh, no. I mean, perhaps-"

What is he babbling about? He's like the thing that wouldn't shut up. Anyway, still wondering about that llama in the opening? Well, let me show you the people responsible for ruining my life. First, there's Pacha.

     A man, who we know to be named Pacha, walks up the palace steps and pauses at the top.

     "Excuse me," he says as he taps a guard's shoulder. "I'm here to see Emperor Kuzco. You see, I got this summons-"

     The guard interrupts him while pointing inside. "Inside, up the stairs, and to the left. Just follow the signs."

     "Oh, great. Thanks a lot." Pacha thanked the guard as he started walking towards the entrance of the palace.

Uh, and don't be fooled by the folksy peasant look.

     "Oh!" Pacha yells as he gets hit on the head with a sandal. As Pacha inspects the sandal, a hand from above taps him on the shoulder.

     "Pardon me, that's mine."

     "Oh, here you go." Pacha says as he hands the old man, who is tangled in one of the banisters, back his sandal.

     "Thank you."

     "You're welcome." Pacha goes to walk off before finally noticing the old man's predicament.

     "Oh, hey, are you alright? Here. Let me, uh..."

     Frantically Pacha turned around to help the old man down, handing him his cane as well.

     "Oh, you are very kind." the old man quietly interrupted.

     "What happened?" Pacha asked.

     "Well, I... I threw off the emperor's groove."

     "What?"

     "His groove! The rhythm in which he lives his life. His pattern of behavior. I threw it off, and the emperor had me thrown out the window."

     *Gasp* "Oh, really? I'm supposed to see him today."

     "Don't throw off his groove!" the old man warned him as he jumped up and tugged on Pacha's shirt.

     "Oh, ok."

     The old man lets go and starts to walk away, saying "Beware the groove." Pacha tries to ask if he'll be alright, but the old man keeps walking away while muttering about the emperor's groove. Pacha looks at him worriedly before turning to head inside the palace.

See what I mean? This guy's trouble, but as bad as he and his son are, who you will meet later, they are nothing compared to what's coming up next.